Volume 2 December 28, 2006
QUESTION OF THE WEEK
I want to make a new year’s resolution to get closer to my wife and kids, but I really don’t know where to start. Where do I begin? Tom
VERSE OF THE WEEK
“Let everyone of you be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.” James 1:19
ANSWER TO TOM
Hello to Tom and to all our readers. We hope you had a wonderful Christmas holiday with your friends and family. Another year is upon us and many people make New Year’s resolutions to try to improve the quality of their lives. While we’ve probably broken as many resolutions as we have made, here is one that had proven to be the most worthwhile to our family. We resolved to maintain emotional closeness with each member of our family by talking to them every day (or as often as possible), inquiring about how they are doing and requesting that a feeling word be shared as a part of their response. “But that sounds like too much work?” “My teenagers will laugh me out of the car?” “I don’t have the time to talk with every member of my family.” Yes, we know how you feel and have felt these ways to, but believe us, it’s worth it.
Here are three steps for Tom and all our readers can take that will enhance the bonding process within your families.
- Make a copy of the “Soul Words” list from our book and put it on the refrigerator. If your house is like ours, where the food is, the family is there as well. If your children cannot read, make a simple list with just a few words and teach them to read the words or remember them with verbal prompts. They are “mad, sad, glad, scared, worried, nervous and embarrassed.”
2. Each person needs to directly ask every member of the family open-ended
questions that require more than a “yes / no” response.
- Tell me about your day.
- What was the best part of your day? The worst?
- Johnny, you look sad, what are you thinking and feeling inside?
- Honey, you’ve been quiet, I’d like to hear what are you thinking about.
- You sound angry, what do you think caused that?
Questions like these encourage the person to articulate thoughts and feelings out loud in the presence of others. Many of us were trained in our childhoods to be quiet and internalize our thoughts and emotions. No wonder then, when many of us get married, we simply do not know how to explain what is going on inside our souls. Always, ask about feelings even if it is uncomfortable.
- Reassure the family member that these feelings are normal even though they are sometimes painful and stress and pain are a part of living in a broken world. Attempt to validate the feeling even if you disagree with it. Remember, it is their experience not yours. Allowing children to become “different” from you is an important part of their psychological and emotional development. After you’ve allowed them to fully vent and explain their feelings, comfort them with a hug of reassurance or celebrate with them their joys of the day.
Sounds so simple, doesn’t it? Yet for Tom and most of us, it may be hard to do if we didn’t have parents who helped us learn, practice, and experience sharing our hearts over and over when we were children. We can learn and grow today. God tells us “… speaking the truth in love, grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ (Ephesians 4:15).”
Tom we don’t know how old your kids are. We remember with our kids we encountered protests, pouting faces, stomping feet and stubborn resistance, at first. Keep trying because this method really pays off in the end. Our family now grown is enjoying the fruit of these efforts, as we are able to maintain the bonding process that we started twenty years ago. We like each other and we have the ability to work out differences and share hurts and disappointments with one another. Relationships are the most important thing in your life. Give your time to those you love today.
Love,
Milan and Kay
PS: Check out www.relationship180.com for our upcoming appearances and speaking schedule and contact information.
If this newsletter has helped you, perhaps it can also help others. Please let your friends, family and others know that they too can get the help they need by signing up for this free newsletter at: www.howwelove.com
Understanding your relationships is probably one of the MOST important tasks that you can do in the upcoming New Year.
To help you understand your relationships we have written the book “How We Love” with it’s accompanying workbook.
Click the following link for information on how you can now own these books and start working on the most important things in your life – your relationships.
ATTENTION ALL PARENTS!!
Is your child rebellious?
Do you ever wish that you knew what to do to help them?
Does your child refuse to do even the most simple things?"
Do you have trouble making your child listen?
Do you ever just wonder, "What
do I do?"
Would you like some good laughs while reading a great parenting book?.
We have the book for you!
You MUST read – Parenting With Love And Logic (Updated and Expanded Edition)
If you have teens there is a version for teens as well called Parenting Teens With Love And Logic (Updated and Expanded Edition)
These are by far the best books on discipline and raising responsible kids I have ever read.
Foster and Jim have worked with the most difficult kids who have been in and out of the foster care system, so they realize just how angry kids can get.
Their ideas are very practical and you will have some good laughs as you read. Don't miss an opportunity to learn some great parenting tools.
This is a must read for all parents. You can get these helpful books by clicking the following links:
Parenting With Love And Logic (Updated and Expanded Edition)
For teens: Parenting Teens With Love And Logic (Updated and Expanded Edition)
And even for Grandparents: Grandparenting With Love & Logic: Practical Solutions to Today's Grandparenting Challenges
Love,
Kay
WANT TO BE PART OF OUR NEXT BOOK?
Milan and I are currently doing research for our next book “How We Love – Sexually”.
We need some help – we are conducting a survey on “How We Love – Sexually”.
Would you like your name emblazoned in print for thousands of readers to see what you do in the bedroom??
Then our survey is NOT for you.
We would love for you to take our survey “How We Love – Sexually” and be assured that your name will never be used. ALL survey questionnaires are ANONYMOUS. That’s right your name is never used – in fact you don’t give us your name at all.
Also there is no way of tracking who answered the survey.
You see we want completely honest answers to some personal questions. By guaranteeing that you will remain completely anonymous we can expect honesty in return.
The survey is very short and can be completed in less than 5 minutes.
After you answer the survey will be helping not only us but others who suffer from personal issues. These issues and more will be addressed in our upcoming book “How We Love – Sexually”.
You will also receive advance results from the survey so that you can benefit from the knowledge that you are NOT alone in How We Love - Sexually.
The survey should be ready in the next couple of weeks - so look for information on how you can participate in our upcoming newsletters.
Thanks
Milan and Kay
Check out www.relationship180.com for our upcoming appearances, speaking schedule and contact information.
For those of you in the Southern California area, or for those of you who would like to visit the Southern California area we are giving a seminar on parenting: "How We Love...As Parents" on February 16-17 2007 at the Grace Community Church in Lake Forest, California. Details can be found at: www.relationship180.com .
If this newsletter has helped you, perhaps it can also help others. Please let your friends, family and others know that they too can get the help they need by signing up for this free newsletter at: www.howwelove.com
Understanding your relationships is probably one of the MOST important tasks that you can do in the upcoming New Year.
To help you understand your relationships we have written the book How We Love: A Revolutionary Approach to Deeper Connections in Marriage
To get your own copy of the book and the accompanying workbook click on the following links:
How We Love: A Revolutionary Approach to Deeper Connections in Marriage