Volume 3 January 04, 2007
QUESTION OF THE WEEK
I read your book and I’m trying to figure out what love style fits my husband. We have been married five years and lately he’s so easily angered that I don’t know what to think.
How can I figure out why he’s so mad all the time? Do you think his anger related to his love style?
Marie
VERSE OF THE WEEK
Proverbs 15:1-2
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
The tongue of the wise makes knowledge acceptable, but the mouth of fools spouts folly.
ANSWER TO MARIE
First of all Marie, let us remind you and all are readers that many men feel anger is one of the few acceptable emotions they can show and still be “manly”.
In addition if your husband grew up in a home where his thoughts and feelings were rarely discussed he may not be skilled at figuring out exactly what is bothering him and making him more irritable.
Small children act out their feelings before they learn to talk about them. If no one took the time to explore and listen to your husband inner feelings as he was growing up, he may still be acting out his feelings because he has little or no experience sharing what is going on in his heart and mind.
Take some time to reflect on his life right now. Pray and ask God for wisdom.
Make a list of the major areas of his life such as work, marriage, kids, relatives, friends, finances, and church etc. List any stressors you are aware of underneath each category.
List any changes that have taken place with each of these spheres in the lasts few months. Changes, even good ones, are stressful.
When he is in a receptive mood share your list and say something like:
“I am really trying to understand what it would be like to be in your shoes and have the responsibilities and stresses you face every day.
I’ve thought of a few things on my list here. Could you look this over and tell me what’s missing or what’s not accurate?”
Often, men are open to taking about their “stress”. Ask him, “Of all that is on the list, which is the most difficult stress you are facing just now.”
If possible, ask him about the thoughts and feelings he has about the most challenging stressors.
Tell him you would like to pray for him out loud several times a week before bed about these stressors. Many men feel overwhelmed at times, but don’t ever talk about it.
Most often, they withdraw, get irritable, or try and make themselves feel better in non-relational ways like computer games, shopping, exercising, drinking, etc.
While these things may be fine in moderation, when they serve as substitutes for relational processing and comfort it can be problematic.
Finding relief within relationships will create a deeper bond in your marriage, so make that your goal.
Love,
Milan and Kay
PS: Check out www.relationship180.com for our upcoming appearances and speaking schedule and contact information.
If this newsletter has helped you, perhaps it can also help others. Please let your friends, family and others know that they too can get the help they need by signing up for this free newsletter at: www.howwelove.com
Understanding your relationships is probably one of the MOST important tasks that you can do in the upcoming New Year.
To help you understand your relationships we have written the book “How We Love” with it’s accompanying workbook.
Click the following link for information on how you can now own these books and start working on the most important things in your life – your relationships.
www.howwelove.com/MilansBooks.html
Do you know anyone in the Ventura, California area?
Let them know about our upcoming workshop.
"How We Love" Relationship Workshop (Kay and Milan)
January 19-20, 2007:
Friday: 6:45 – 9:00 PM (1st half)
Sat. 8:30-11:30 AM (2nd half)
Bible Fellowship Church
6950 Ralston St.
Ventura, CA 93003.
Register by calling (805) 656-7766
$20. Per person
Be sure and look for our newsletter next week and we will answer the second part of your question about anger and the different love styles.
ATTENTION ALL PARENTS!!
Is your child rebellious?
Do you ever wish that you knew what to do to help them?
Does your child refuse to do even the most simple things?"
Do you have trouble making your child listen?
Do you ever just wonder, "What
do I do?"
Would you like some good laughs while reading a great parenting book?.
We have the book for you!
You MUST read – Parenting With Love And Logic (Updated and Expanded Edition)
If you have teens there is a version for teens as well called Parenting Teens With Love And Logic (Updated and Expanded Edition)
These are by far the best books on discipline and raising responsible kids I have ever read.
Foster and Jim have worked with the most difficult kids who have been in and out of the foster care system, so they realize just how angry kids can get.
Their ideas are very practical and you will have some good laughs as you read. Don't miss an opportunity to learn some great parenting tools.
This is a must read for all parents. You can get these helpful books by clicking the following links:
Parenting With Love And Logic (Updated and Expanded Edition)
For teens: Parenting Teens With Love And Logic (Updated and Expanded Edition)
And even for Grandparents: Grandparenting With Love & Logic: Practical Solutions to Today's Grandparenting Challenges
Love,
Kay
WANT TO BE PART OF OUR NEXT BOOK?
Milan and I are currently doing research for our next book “How We Love – Sexually”.
We need some help – we are conducting a survey on “How We Love – Sexually”.
Would you like your name emblazoned in print for thousands of readers to see what you do in the bedroom??
Then our survey is NOT for you.
We would love for you to take our survey “How We Love – Sexually” and be assured that your name will never be used. ALL survey questionnaires are ANONYMOUS. That’s right your name is never used – in fact you don’t give us your name at all.
Also there is no way of tracking who answered the survey.
You see we want completely honest answers to some personal questions. By guaranteeing that you will remain completely anonymous we can expect honesty in return.
The survey is very short and can be completed in less than 5 minutes.
After you answer the survey will be helping not only us but others who suffer from personal issues. These issues and more will be addressed in our upcoming book “How We Love – Sexually”.
You will also receive advance results from the survey so that you can benefit from the knowledge that you are NOT alone in How We Love - Sexually.
The survey should be ready in the next couple of weeks - so look for information on how you can participate in our upcoming newsletters.
Thanks
Milan and Kay
Check out www.relationship180.com for our upcoming appearances, speaking schedule and contact information.
For those of you in the Southern California area, or for those of you who would like to visit the Southern California area we are giving a seminar on parenting: "How We Love...As Parents" on February 16-17 2007 at the Grace Community Church in Lake Forest, California. Details can be found at: www.relationship180.com .
If this newsletter has helped you, perhaps it can also help others. Please let your friends, family and others know that they too can get the help they need by signing up for this free newsletter at: www.howwelove.com
Understanding your relationships is probably one of the MOST important tasks that you can do in the upcoming New Year.
To help you understand your relationships we have written the book How We Love: A Revolutionary Approach to Deeper Connections in Marriage
To get your own copy of the book and the accompanying workbook click on the following links:
How We Love: A Revolutionary Approach to Deeper Connections in Marriage