Volume 38                                                                                                                         September 06 , 2007

“Learning To Leave Your Parents!”
(Relating to them as an adult.)
Part 4

It can really be a challenging to successfully forge ahead into mature adulthood where I become a peer to my parents and sense a destiny apart from them. 

From past newsletters, we learned that this is called “differentiation”. 

To become a fully distinct individual, is called “individuation”. 

While the words cannot be found in the Bible, these concepts are far from psychobabble, they are distinctly taught in the scriptures as well as modeled in the life of Jesus Christ. 

Let’s do a quick review and learn more from the Savior about His growth into autonomous adulthood. 

Key Biblical Text: 

“Have you not read… For this cause man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh.” “Consequently they are no more two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate (Matthew 19:5-6 & Genesis 2:24).”

JESUS’ AND THE APOSTLE PAUL’S TEACHING ABOUT LEAVING “AUTHORITY” OF THE FAMILY OF ORIGIN AND THE CREATION OF A NEW FAMILY UNIT:

Matthew 10:35-37:  Jesus taught that the costs of following Him might mean separation, hostility and estrangement from one’s own closest family members.

Mark 3:20-35:  As Jesus returned and spoke in his hometown; religious leaders from Jerusalem traveled there to accuse and challenge Jesus and even insist that He was possessed by a demon.  What was His family of origin’s response to all of this? “And when His own people (kinsmen) heard of this, they went out to take custody of Him; for they were saying, ‘He has lost His senses (v.21).’” 

Mark 6:1-6: The people in His hometown synagogue were astonished at His teaching and resisted His ministry. Because of his family’s familiarity, they did not believe Him but challenged His authority.   It was at this point that the now famous and familiar words were first spoken, “A prophet is not without honor except in his own home town and among his own relatives and in his own household (v.4).”

Matthew 19:1-6, Mark 10:17, Ephesians 4:22-32, and I Corinthians 11:3:  These passages all speak of the leaving and cleaving and the formulation of the new family unit that stands accountable only to God and not to the mother and father that raised you.  The parent is no longer viewed in the authoritative role of “headship” or leadership.  The parent no longer must be obeyed and their authority honored as was true when the person was a child under their care growing up.

Matthew 15:1-9, John 19:25-27, and Timothy 5:3-8: These scriptures teach that Christians have a responsibility to care for their parents’ wellbeing and provision, as they grow older. 

THE UNHEALTHY FAMILY OF ORIGIN AWARDS:
 
“The Dominating Mother Award” goes to the obnoxious mother of the soon to become Apostles James and John. 

You know, John who wrote John, 1, 2 and 3 John, and the Book of Revelation?  

Yes that John. 

Well... while he and his brother were full fledged men… whose nick names were “Sons of Thunder” (lot’s of male bravado here), … well their mommy you know… right in front of all the other disciples… marched up to Jesus and said (whined is more like it) “When your kingdom comes, can my boys sit in the two highest positions with one to your left and one to your right?”  

Gag me! 

Where is the airsickness bag when you need one?  

(Mrs. Thunder couldn’t be here tonight to receive her award.) 

For the full story, read Matthew 20: 20-28.

“The Enmeshed Mother and Adult Daughter Award” goes to Herodias the woman who left her own husband (Herod’s brother) to have an adulterous affair with slightly higher ranking man… King Herod. 

When John the Baptist confronted the unrighteousness of this public spectacle, Herod had John thrown in prison. 

When the adult daughter seductively danced in front of the king and her mom (a really sick thing to do), the king lost his head and offered her anything in his kingdom up to one half of the kingdom’s value. 

Wow.

What a dance! 

Where did she learn such moves? 

While the panting crowd waited for her answer, her mom whispered in her ear, “The head of John the Baptist, delivered now on a platter.”

The sick, pathetic, overly dependent adult child (who was still a little girl inside) made her request and although the king regretted his offer, he gave the order and a moment later, John the Baptist was dead, the head delivered. 

(We actually had a family member who had a sculpture of the nude girl gazing into the face of the beheaded John on the platter.  More sick!)

“The Most Unhealthy Family in the Old Testament Award” goes to Isaac and Rebekah. 

They had two sons Jacob and Esau. 

Jacob married Rachel and Leah while Esau married the daughters of Heth. 

This unhealthy family system was strewn with deception, conflict, favoritism, lying and scheming.  

What a mess. 

God was not pleased, yet because of God’s previous promises to Abraham about the future family descendent, Jesus the Messiah. 

God was faithful anyway to allow this family to produce the twelve tribes of Israel, one of which would be Judah, the family of Jesus the Messiah. Genesis 25:27-28, 26:1-45, 27:1-46.

Next week, personal applications, reflections and discussion questions.

Growing in Christ with you,
Love,
Milan and Kay

Check out these recommended books:

Healing is a Choice By Stephen Arterburn / Thomas Nelson Do you want to get well? If you've been waiting for God to heal you - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually - you must choose to let your hurt go. In Healing Is a Choice, you are offered ten choices crucial for receiving healing. Take hold of your future and begin the process to wholeness today!

Boundaries in Marriage By Dr. Henry Cloud / Zondervan Corp. Sure, kids need boundaries...but husbands and wives? Cloud and Townsend say "Absolutely!" They'll show you that respecting your spouse's personal "territory" can actually strengthen your relationship. Discover how to keep your marriage safe from intruders such as idols, affairs, other people...even well-meaning parents.

How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals about Personal Growth By Dr. Henry Cloud / Zondervan How People Grow reveals why all growth is spiritual growth and how you can grow in ways you never thought possible. Unpacking the practical and passionate theology that forms the backbone of their counseling, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend shatter popular misconceptions about how God operates to reveal how growth really happens.

Mere Christianity/The Screwtape Letters Collection By C.S. Lewis / Zondervan/harpersanfrancisco Need a faith-building gift for somebody with impeccable taste? You can't go wrong with these enduring classics by the beloved author of The Chronicles of Narnia! Two slipcased hardcovers.

To get your own copy of our book and the accompanying workbook click on the following links:

How We Love: A Revolutionary Approach to Deeper Connections in Marriage By Milan & Kay Yerkovich / Random House, Inc Relationship experts Milan and Kay Yerkovich help you identify negative responses learned in childhood that sabotage your relationships, creating invisible barriers to love. you'll find practical solutions and groundbreaking principles that equip you to identify the love styles disrupting your marriage, recognize the core pattersn in your relationship, develop a specific plan for change, enhance your sexual intimacy and more, to create a deeper, richer marriage.

How We Love Workbook: Making Deeper Connections in Marriage By Milan Yerkovich / Random House, Inc Every adult bears an "imprint of intimacy"-an inner sense of how much emtional vulnerability they can risk based on childhood experiences. those past lessons shape the behaviors, beliefs and expectations of all our current reltionships, especially marriage. This powerful companion workbook-perfect for use on your own or in a group setting-will help you apply the principles from How We Love and break free of the harmful imprints of the past. You'll find insightful questions to help you and your spouse pinpoint barriers to intimacy, efffective techniques to kickstart the process of lasting change and more.

SPREAD THE WORD:

If you enjoyed our newsletter, would you please forward it to your e-mail list or send a memo out encouraging them to sign up for our weekly newsletters?  Thanks.

NEXT WEEK:

Next week we continue with part four of:

“Learning To Leave Your Parents!”
(Relating to them as an adult.)

Many of you have asked "Milan and Kay, when are you going to be giving a seminar in MY AREA???"

While we would love to have the opportunity to meet each and every one of you and for you to learn some valuable relationship skills at our seminars....it is physically IMPOSSIBLE for us to give seminars in every city in the U.S. - (not to mention the rest of the universe).

So...for those people who would be interested in seeing exactly what happens at one of our seminars, and learn the skills that you need to improve your valuable relationships...we are working on the next best thing to being there in person with us.

Thats right!!! We will be coming out with a video of one of our recent seminars!!

We apologize for the delay in getting you the information on how you can have the opportunity to actually attend one of our "How We Love" seminars - without having to be there in person. We will be putting our seminar on DVD and it will be available to you soon.

Look for the information on how you can learn from us and have a postive impact on your valuable relationships from the comfort of your own home in our next newsletter!!

Love,
Milan and Kay

NOW YOU CAN WATCH MILAN AND KAY IN ACTION!!

Check out our website: www.howwelove.com and click the

"Video - Milan and Kay Talk About How We Love" link.

You will be taken to a page where you can view a video about our book and another video of one of our Television appearances.

Please be patient - the video about our book takes less than a minute to load, the TV interview takes approximately 2 minutes or more to load.

WANT TO BE PART OF OUR NEXT BOOK?

If you have already taken our survey - THANK YOU!! You people are GREAT!!!

We are getting some VERY good and useful information that we will use to help us write our book!!!

We hope that you enjoyed our previously unpublished document The Value of Virginity, Monogamy and Sexual Fidelity.

If you have not yet taken our survey please read on!!

Milan and I are currently doing research for our next book “How We Love – Sexually”.

We need some help – we are conducting a survey on “How We Love – Sexually”.

Dont worry....your name will NOT be emblazoned in print for thousands of readers to know about what you do in the bedroom!!

We would love for you to take our survey “How We Love – Sexually” and be assured that your name will never be used.  ALL survey questionnaires are ANONYMOUS. That’s right your name is never used – in fact you don’t give us your name at all.

Also there is no way of tracking who answered the survey.

You see we want completely honest answers to some personal questions. By guaranteeing that you will remain completely anonymous we can expect honesty in return.

The survey is very short and can be completed in less than 5 minutes.

After you answer the survey you will be helping not only us but others who suffer from personal issues. These issues and more will be addressed in our upcoming book “How We Love – Sexually”.

You will also receive advance results from the survey so that you can benefit from the knowledge that you are NOT alone in How We Love - Sexually.

As a thank you for helping us we have an unpublished document that we would like to give you, entitled The Value of Virginity, Monogamy and Sexual Fidelity.

After you fill out the survey - simply press the "Click When Finished " button at the end of the questions and you will be directed to a page where you will be able to download The Value of Virginity, Monogamy and Sexual Fidelity.

To help us and receive your gift please click here: How We Love Sexually - Survey

(Make sure that you answer ALL of the questions - if you do not see the "Thank You" page after clicking the button

review your questions - you have probably not answered one or more)

Thanks

Milan and Kay

We will be appearing at the following locations:

Upcoming Workshops and Seminars:

SPEAKING ENGAGEMENTS:

September 7-8, 2007
How We Love Marriage Workshop, Parker, CO
Southeast Christian Church
9650 Jordan Road
Parker, CP 80134
Info: www.sechristian.org or (303)841-9292

Sept. 22-29, 2007 New Life Cruise, Canada and New England. Info: www.newlife.com or 1 800 NEW LIFE.
 
Sept. 29, 2007 Saturday Night New Life Ministries “Radio Rally”, Boston, MA. Location to be announced (New Life Radio Team). Info: www.newlife.com or 1 800 NEW LIFE.

January 18-20, 2008
Marriage Retreat for Abundant Life Christian Fellowship
Location: Mount Hermon Christian Conference Center, Mount Hermon, CA
Info:

January 25-27, 2008
Workshop, Ventura, CA (Topic TBA)
Bible Fellowship Church
6950 Ralston Street
Ventura, CA 93003
Info: www.bfconline.info or (805) 656-7766

RADIO APPEARANCES (Subject to change):

New Life Ministries Radio, Los Angeles area, KKLA 99.5 FM, 2 PM daily Mon – Fri.  Check www.newlife.com for nationwide listing of radio stations and times in your area as well as daily hosts.

New Life Ministries Radio, Los Angeles area, KKLA 99.5 FM, 2 PM daily Mon – Fri. 
Check www.newlife.com for nationwide listing of radio stations and times in your area as well as daily hosts.

Go to www.relationship180.com for details.

If this newsletter has helped you, perhaps it can also help others. Please let your friends, family and others know that they too can get the help they need by signing up for this free newsletter at: www.howwelove.com

Understanding your relationships is probably one of the MOST important tasks that you can do to improve your life.

To help you understand your relationships we have written the book :  

How We Love: A Revolutionary Approach to Deeper Connections in Marriage By Milan & Kay Yerkovich / Random House, Inc Relationship experts Milan and Kay Yerkovich help you identify negative responses learned in childhood that sabotage your relationships, creating invisible barriers to love. you'll find practical solutions and groundbreaking principles that equip you to identify the love styles disrupting your marriage, recognize the core pattersn in your relationship, develop a specific plan for change, enhance your sexual intimacy and more, to create a deeper, richer marriage.

How We Love Workbook: Making Deeper Connections in Marriage By Milan Yerkovich / Random House, Inc Every adult bears an "imprint of intimacy"-an inner sense of how much emtional vulnerability they can risk based on childhood experiences. those past lessons shape the behaviors, beliefs and expectations of all our current reltionships, especially marriage. This powerful companion workbook-perfect for use on your own or in a group setting-will help you apply the principles from How We Love and break free of the harmful imprints of the past. You'll find insightful questions to help you and your spouse pinpoint barriers to intimacy, efffective techniques to kickstart the process of lasting change and more.

Thanks to all of you for your support.