Volume 40                                                                                                                          September 20 , 2007

Understanding Temperament:  The Extrovert and Introvert

Milan and I were greatly helped the first time we were exposed to the Myers Briggs

Temperament Test.  It’s actually a funny story.  I was taught the material first and I gave

Milan the test but believed I already knew what temperament type he would be.  We

scored the results and he was different than I expected in three of the four categories.  I

was shocked.  We had been married about six years at the time.  I believed I knew him

pretty well.  I think there is a mistake…take it again, I urged.  Same results.  So, I started

really observing my husband according the test results.  What an eye opener.  So, we will

spend the next four weeks on temperament, and I hope you all benefit as much as we did. 

It’s a good way to better understand your kids as well.

To expand your knowledge of this helpful information read, Please Understand Me by

Kiersey and Bates

The extrovert introvert continuum is not just about being shy or social.  It is more about

how you approach your world and how you rejuvenate and renew yourself.  An introvert

can be very social.  They just need alone time afterward.  Here are some differences

between the introvert and extrovert.  You might be a mild, medium, or strong extrovert or

introvert.  There is no right or wrong to this.  We are looking at preferences. 

EXTROVERT  [E]: (About 75% of population)

• Gain energy from people
• Think and process by talking with others
• Good talkers
• Talk loud, fast and tend to interrupt
• Like noisy active environment (radio, TV).
• Need a lot of verbal feed back and affirmation from others.
• Have conversations with others.
• They tend to be after thinkers. They cannot understand life until they have lived it.  They act and then (maybe) reflect.   
• Their attitude is relaxed and confident.
• Their focus is more on the outer world of people and things.  They need relationships.
  They are friendly, talkative and easy to know.  More at home with the world of people and things rather than the world of ideas. 
• They unload their emotions as they go along.
• They tend to be noticed by others.

INTROVERT [I] :  (About 25% of the population.)

• They are drained by people.  They gain energy by solitude and quiet and time    
• to reflect
• They like to think and process inwardly before giving an answer.
• They are good listeners.
• They tend to talk slower and like to state thoughts without being interrupted.
• They like a quiet environment, and have a higher power of concentration.
• They need less verbal feed back and affirmation from others.
• They have conversations within their own minds.
• They are fore thinkers.  They cannot live life until they understand it.  They reflect then (maybe) act.
• Their attitude is reserved and questioning.  They are often reserved, quiet and hard to know.  They are subtle and more at home in the world of ideas than in the world of people and things.
• Their focus is on the inner world of ideas and understanding.  Needs privacy.
• They bottle up their emotions and guard them carefully.

      They don’t like public show.

I am and introvert and Milan is an extrovert.  We have learned to respect these

differences and not take our different needs personally.   Let’s discuss a few of the

most common problems we see between couples with these differences.  Introverts

process by thinking quietly before they speak.  Extroverts process by talking out loud. 

If you want to have a conversation with an introvert, especially if it is a difficult

subject, announce it beforehand.  For example in the morning Milan might say to me, 

“I’d like to talk about the outline of our next book .  Think about it today and we can

talk tonight.”  Introverts do well with some thinking and processing time before a

talk. 
 
If you have a conversation with an introverted spouse or child, don’t interrupt!  Don’t

answer for them or give them a multiple choices because they don’t respond in three

seconds.  Ask, and wait.  If too much time passes say; “Take your time, I really want

to hear your thoughts, feelings, or ideas”.  Then wait.   Respect the fact that they need

time to think before they put words to it. 

Introverts need alone time to recharge.  I’ve watched some introverted kids get really

cranky and out of sorts trying to keep up with extroverted schedules and asctivity

level.  Don’t take it personally when you spouse or child want time alone.  It is how

they recharge and rejuvenate. 

Likewise extroverts renew and recharge with activity, talking and people.  When

introverts are ready to leave a gathering, extroverts are just getting started.  Driving

separately or agreeing before hand on a reasonable time can help forestall arguments.

Next week we will talk about the Sensory person and the Intuitive person. 

Milan and Kay

Check out these recommended books:

Healing is a Choice By Stephen Arterburn / Thomas Nelson Do you want to get well? If you've been waiting for God to heal you - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually - you must choose to let your hurt go. In Healing Is a Choice, you are offered ten choices crucial for receiving healing. Take hold of your future and begin the process to wholeness today!

Boundaries in Marriage By Dr. Henry Cloud / Zondervan Corp. Sure, kids need boundaries...but husbands and wives? Cloud and Townsend say "Absolutely!" They'll show you that respecting your spouse's personal "territory" can actually strengthen your relationship. Discover how to keep your marriage safe from intruders such as idols, affairs, other people...even well-meaning parents.

How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals about Personal Growth By Dr. Henry Cloud / Zondervan How People Grow reveals why all growth is spiritual growth and how you can grow in ways you never thought possible. Unpacking the practical and passionate theology that forms the backbone of their counseling, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend shatter popular misconceptions about how God operates to reveal how growth really happens.

Mere Christianity/The Screwtape Letters Collection By C.S. Lewis / Zondervan/harpersanfrancisco Need a faith-building gift for somebody with impeccable taste? You can't go wrong with these enduring classics by the beloved author of The Chronicles of Narnia! Two slipcased hardcovers.

To get your own copy of our book and the accompanying workbook click on the following links:

How We Love: A Revolutionary Approach to Deeper Connections in Marriage By Milan & Kay Yerkovich / Random House, Inc Relationship experts Milan and Kay Yerkovich help you identify negative responses learned in childhood that sabotage your relationships, creating invisible barriers to love. you'll find practical solutions and groundbreaking principles that equip you to identify the love styles disrupting your marriage, recognize the core pattersn in your relationship, develop a specific plan for change, enhance your sexual intimacy and more, to create a deeper, richer marriage.

How We Love Workbook: Making Deeper Connections in Marriage By Milan Yerkovich / Random House, Inc Every adult bears an "imprint of intimacy"-an inner sense of how much emtional vulnerability they can risk based on childhood experiences. those past lessons shape the behaviors, beliefs and expectations of all our current reltionships, especially marriage. This powerful companion workbook-perfect for use on your own or in a group setting-will help you apply the principles from How We Love and break free of the harmful imprints of the past. You'll find insightful questions to help you and your spouse pinpoint barriers to intimacy, efffective techniques to kickstart the process of lasting change and more.

SPREAD THE WORD:

If you enjoyed our newsletter, would you please forward it to your e-mail list or send a memo out encouraging them to sign up for our weekly newsletters?  Thanks.

NEXT WEEK:
Next week we will talk about the Sensory person and the Intuitive person. 

Many of you have asked "Milan and Kay, when are you going to be giving a seminar in MY AREA???"

While we would love to have the opportunity to meet each and every one of you and for you to learn some valuable relationship skills at our seminars....it is physically IMPOSSIBLE for us to give seminars in every city in the U.S. - (not to mention the rest of the universe).

So...for those people who would be interested in seeing exactly what happens at one of our seminars, and learn the skills that you need to improve your valuable relationships...we are working on the next best thing to being there in person with us.

Thats right!!! We will be coming out with a video of one of our recent seminars!!

We apologize for the delay in getting you the information on how you can have the opportunity to actually attend one of our "How We Love" seminars - without having to be there in person. We will be putting our seminar on DVD and it will be available to you soon.

Look for the information on how you can learn from us and have a postive impact on your valuable relationships from the comfort of your own home in our next newsletter!!

Love,
Milan and Kay

NOW YOU CAN WATCH MILAN AND KAY IN ACTION!!

Check out our website: www.howwelove.com and click the

"Video - Milan and Kay Talk About How We Love" link.

You will be taken to a page where you can view a video about our book and another video of one of our Television appearances.

Please be patient - the video about our book takes less than a minute to load, the TV interview takes approximately 2 minutes or more to load.

WANT TO BE PART OF OUR NEXT BOOK?

If you have already taken our survey - THANK YOU!! You people are GREAT!!!

We are getting some VERY good and useful information that we will use to help us write our book!!!

We hope that you enjoyed our previously unpublished document The Value of Virginity, Monogamy and Sexual Fidelity.

If you have not yet taken our survey please read on!!

Milan and I are currently doing research for our next book “How We Love – Sexually”.

We need some help – we are conducting a survey on “How We Love – Sexually”.

Dont worry....your name will NOT be emblazoned in print for thousands of readers to know about what you do in the bedroom!!

We would love for you to take our survey “How We Love – Sexually” and be assured that your name will never be used.  ALL survey questionnaires are ANONYMOUS. That’s right your name is never used – in fact you don’t give us your name at all.

Also there is no way of tracking who answered the survey.

You see we want completely honest answers to some personal questions. By guaranteeing that you will remain completely anonymous we can expect honesty in return.

The survey is very short and can be completed in less than 5 minutes.

After you answer the survey you will be helping not only us but others who suffer from personal issues. These issues and more will be addressed in our upcoming book “How We Love – Sexually”.

You will also receive advance results from the survey so that you can benefit from the knowledge that you are NOT alone in How We Love - Sexually.

As a thank you for helping us we have an unpublished document that we would like to give you, entitled The Value of Virginity, Monogamy and Sexual Fidelity.

After you fill out the survey - simply press the "Click When Finished " button at the end of the questions and you will be directed to a page where you will be able to download The Value of Virginity, Monogamy and Sexual Fidelity.

To help us and receive your gift please click here: How We Love Sexually - Survey

(Make sure that you answer ALL of the questions - if you do not see the "Thank You" page after clicking the button

review your questions - you have probably not answered one or more)

Thanks

Milan and Kay

We will be appearing at the following locations:

Upcoming Workshops and Seminars:

SPEAKING ENGAGEMENTS:

Sept. 22-29, 2007 New Life Cruise, Canada and New England. Info: www.newlife.com or 1 800 NEW LIFE.
 
Sept. 29, 2007 Saturday Night New Life Ministries “Radio Rally”, Boston, MA. Location to be announced (New Life Radio Team). Info: www.newlife.com or 1 800 NEW LIFE.

January 18-20, 2008
Marriage Retreat for Abundant Life Christian Fellowship
Location: Mount Hermon Christian Conference Center, Mount Hermon, CA
Info:

January 25-27, 2008
Workshop, Ventura, CA (Topic TBA)
Bible Fellowship Church
6950 Ralston Street
Ventura, CA 93003
Info: www.bfconline.info or (805) 656-7766

RADIO APPEARANCES (Subject to change):

New Life Ministries Radio, Los Angeles area, KKLA 99.5 FM, 2 PM daily Mon – Fri.  Check www.newlife.com for nationwide listing of radio stations and times in your area as well as daily hosts.

New Life Ministries Radio, Los Angeles area, KKLA 99.5 FM, 2 PM daily Mon – Fri. 
Check www.newlife.com for nationwide listing of radio stations and times in your area as well as daily hosts.

Go to www.relationship180.com for details.

If this newsletter has helped you, perhaps it can also help others. Please let your friends, family and others know that they too can get the help they need by signing up for this free newsletter at: www.howwelove.com

Understanding your relationships is probably one of the MOST important tasks that you can do to improve your life.

To help you understand your relationships we have written the book :  

How We Love: A Revolutionary Approach to Deeper Connections in Marriage By Milan & Kay Yerkovich / Random House, Inc Relationship experts Milan and Kay Yerkovich help you identify negative responses learned in childhood that sabotage your relationships, creating invisible barriers to love. you'll find practical solutions and groundbreaking principles that equip you to identify the love styles disrupting your marriage, recognize the core pattersn in your relationship, develop a specific plan for change, enhance your sexual intimacy and more, to create a deeper, richer marriage.

How We Love Workbook: Making Deeper Connections in Marriage By Milan Yerkovich / Random House, Inc Every adult bears an "imprint of intimacy"-an inner sense of how much emtional vulnerability they can risk based on childhood experiences. those past lessons shape the behaviors, beliefs and expectations of all our current reltionships, especially marriage. This powerful companion workbook-perfect for use on your own or in a group setting-will help you apply the principles from How We Love and break free of the harmful imprints of the past. You'll find insightful questions to help you and your spouse pinpoint barriers to intimacy, efffective techniques to kickstart the process of lasting change and more.

Thanks to all of you for your support.