Volume 45                                                                                                                          October 25, 2007

Follow up Questions to Learning to Leave Your Parents
(Volumes 35-39 in the archives.)

“I've really been enjoying your study on leaving and cleaving.

 I understand and agree with the leaving of one family unit and the formulation of a new independent unit that is accountable to God directly.

I also believe in the need to differentiate from ones parents and become mature adults who relate as peers. 

However, I am a little confused on the biblical context. 

Matthew 19:5-6 & Genesis 2:24 states "for this reason man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh". 

This verse specifically states that it is the man who is supposed to leave and cleave. 

Are we to assume that the wife is to do the same?

This sentence is very specific in nature that it states "man will leave.....and be united to his wife. 

I am unable to find anything in the bible that says a wife is suppose to leave and cleave to her husband. 

The only commands I find in the bible that pertains to a wife's role are that a wife is to submit to her husband and the wife must respect her husband. 

Could you please clarify this for me? 

I have been searching for an answer to this and I am unable to find one on my own. 

I would really appreciate your interpretation on this subject. 

Thank you.”

In the Old Testament era as well as in the Middle Eastern cultures to this day, family lineages and genealogies were through the male side of the family.

This is still highly in practice today even in western cultures, as the wife takes on the husbands last name. 

I knew that my wife Kay must have really loved me to go from Crandall to Yerkovich… what a sacrifice.

Obviously implied in the Old Testament is that the woman unites with the new husband and comes under his family headship. 

In addition, if he were to "cleave" to his wife, which means to “glue, bond or weld together”, this, would necessitate her leaving her parents as well.

Finally, I Corinthians 11:1-3 and Ephesians 5:22-33 clearly teach that the new authority structure within the home would necessitate leaving her parents.

Thanks for the question.

______________________________________________________________________________________

Milan:

My wife’s parents are involved in a religious cult and are very angry that their daughter married me as a believer in Christ who is now attending a Bible teaching church. 

They are pressuring her to leave our church, repent and return to the cult. 

They fear rejection from the group’s leaders and are getting pressure from them to force compliance in my wife. 

They are threatening to not have anything to do with us and my wife who is expecting our first child is frightened and torn. 

What do you recommend?

I am so sorry that you have to go through this difficult experience. 

Everything within us wants to please our parents. 

And why shouldn’t it?

After all, we have been bonded to them since birth and our entire life experience as a child has trained us to obey and respect our parents. 

In return, their smile and love made us feel warm, loved and secure. 

Yet, when we become adults, things change and adult choices and preferences need to be made. 

Often at the cost of losing relationships. 

Jesus knew this as he spoke about the tension that a relationship with Him would create.

In Matthew 10:34 -42 “He who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me.” 
Read the entire text. 

It is clear that we cannot please both the Lord and authoritarian parents.

Thanks for writing.

Milan and Kay

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NEXT WEEK:
Next week we will answer questions regarding an intrusive mother-in-law and a domineering dad who do not  have boundaries.

NOW YOU CAN WATCH MILAN AND KAY IN ACTION!!

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Milan and Kay

We will be appearing at the following locations:

Upcoming Workshops and Seminars:

SPEAKING ENGAGEMENTS:

January 18-20, 2008
Marriage Retreat for Abundant Life Christian Fellowship
Location: Mount Hermon Christian Conference Center, Mount Hermon, CA
Info:

January 25-27, 2008
Workshop, Ventura, CA (Topic TBA)
Bible Fellowship Church
6950 Ralston Street
Ventura, CA 93003
Info: www.bfconline.info or (805) 656-7766

RADIO APPEARANCES (Subject to change):

New Life Ministries Radio, Los Angeles area, KKLA 99.5 FM, 2 PM daily Mon – Fri.  Check www.newlife.com for nationwide listing of radio stations and times in your area as well as daily hosts.

New Life Ministries Radio, Los Angeles area, KKLA 99.5 FM, 2 PM daily Mon – Fri. 
Check www.newlife.com for nationwide listing of radio stations and times in your area as well as daily hosts.

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Understanding your relationships is probably one of the MOST important tasks that you can do to improve your life.

To help you understand your relationships we have written the book :  

How We Love: A Revolutionary Approach to Deeper Connections in Marriage By Milan & Kay Yerkovich / Random House, Inc Relationship experts Milan and Kay Yerkovich help you identify negative responses learned in childhood that sabotage your relationships, creating invisible barriers to love. you'll find practical solutions and groundbreaking principles that equip you to identify the love styles disrupting your marriage, recognize the core pattersn in your relationship, develop a specific plan for change, enhance your sexual intimacy and more, to create a deeper, richer marriage.

How We Love Workbook: Making Deeper Connections in Marriage By Milan Yerkovich / Random House, Inc Every adult bears an "imprint of intimacy"-an inner sense of how much emtional vulnerability they can risk based on childhood experiences. those past lessons shape the behaviors, beliefs and expectations of all our current reltionships, especially marriage. This powerful companion workbook-perfect for use on your own or in a group setting-will help you apply the principles from How We Love and break free of the harmful imprints of the past. You'll find insightful questions to help you and your spouse pinpoint barriers to intimacy, efffective techniques to kickstart the process of lasting change and more.

Thanks to all of you for your support.