Volume 49                                                                                        November 22, 2007

Abuse and Submission
... What's Biblical and what's intolerable?
Third of a four part series.

One of the most common questions we receive by letter, e-mail and from callers on New Life Radio has to do with the tolerance of verbal and physical abuse within a home as well as with hostile people who persecute Christians.  

Should we take a path of passivity or should we resist?  

How do we reconcile victimization and abuse with submission within marriage? 

What exactly does abuse mean?

When do we turn the other cheek?

Here are more thoughts in my e-mail dialogue with Bob!

(Reprinted here is Bob's original question followed by Milan's thoughts on the subject)

 "Thank you for the detailed and thought-provoking response you provided for me, below.  Yes, exactly, you are right that I am focusing on the meaning of Jesus teaching on 'turning the other cheek.'  It's interesting to me that, in John 18:23, even Jesus himself doesn't literally turn his other cheek after he is unjustly physically struck, but rather Jesus immediately verbally confronts the man who hit Jesus for no good reason.  It's also interesting to me that Paul stands up for his personal rights very assertively and boldly in Acts 16:37, and Paul aggressively prevents himself from being physically harmed in three passages in Acts -- namely in Acts 22:25 and Acts 23:1-3 and Acts 25:11.  From these passages in Acts (namely, Acts 16:37, Acts 22:25, Acts 23:1-3, and Acts 25:11), it seems like Paul felt very comfortable defending his own human rights, with an unwavering commitment to never let himself get unjustly harmed by anyone.

      In essence, it seems to me that Jesus and Paul set and maintained healthy boundaries with people in a variety of different circumstances and settings, demonstrating to me that Jesus' command on 'turning the other cheek' must have meant that Christians should never return insult-for-insult or abuse-for-abuse, rather than a literal instruction for us to keep receiving mistreatment from people or to actually invite people to mistreat us even more...."  Bob

Hi Bob,

1. The Apostle Paul is very hard to understand sometimes and many people have difficulty accurately interpreting his writings.  In fact, the Apostle Peter, a fisherman, said that Paul was hard to understand and that the untaught and the unstable distort them and lead others astray.  Having said that, when we read II Corinthians 11:20, it seems that Paul's sarcastic correction of the Corinthian church and the false Apostles that tried to lead them astray, does seem to say that they allowed themselves to be abused and they should have resisted and not tolerated the abuse.

2. As a response to a chaotic childhood, angry Controllers (Ch. 8 How We Love) and Vacillators (Ch.7 How We Love) dominate others as an attempt to control predictable outcomes.  They use anger and abuse often as the means for forcing compliance.  Thus, many people treat family members and others unkindly because they are in such inner turmoil from their past.  They replicate sin from generation to generation.  The job of the church is to intervene by leading them to Christ and then holding them accountable to a holy standard of behavior becoming to believers (Ephesians 4:1).

3. I'm not really sure what Jesus meant when he told his disciples to grab a sword or two in Luke 22:38, yet we know what Peter did with it when the arresting party came to  take Jesus into custody.  I am quite sure that Peter was aiming for the person's head and he duck and only cut off his ear.  Jesus did tell him to put it away and then He put Malchus' ear back on.  Jesus was the first plastic surgeon.  The Apostles in Acts and epistles did not use swords to fight.  They use the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God (Ephesians 6).

4. In Romans 13, the government is to use the "sword" to punish evildoers.  In whose hand is the sword?  Would the "sword wielders" only be non-Christians or could a Christian work for the government in the role of an enforcer?  Obviously, there are many Christian police officers and military personnel.  

5. I am a martial arts instructor.  Persecution for the sake of the Gospel and ultimately the death of the apostles as well as many believers throughout history because of their message is a part of the difficult plan that Jesus and the Apostles predicted.  If arrested for preaching the gospel and hit or hurt, I might not fight back (I guess I may never know).  Yet if I am jumped in a parking lot by someone who does not know what religion I am or attacks my family, I will resist... I will not foolishly say, "Go ahead and hit the other one".  

 To Be continued...

Love,

Milan and Kay

NEXT WEEK:
Next week - We will look at some abuse case studies.

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"How We Love Seminar"

Would you like to attend one of Milan and Kay's "How We Love" seminars?

Now you can without having to book airline flights, hotels, rental cars etc.

How?? - We have recorded the seminar and are reproducing it onto DVD.

We are putting the finishing touches on a 3 DVD package that captures the excitement and life changing moments of an incredible seminar that was recorded LIVE in Ventura, California earlier this year.

Look for a special announcement in the next couple of weeks.  

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We want to encourage all our friends to keep the computer a safe place for kids and teens and spouses.

As counselors we are alarmed at the rising use of pornography with the easy availability of on-line sites.

We think BSafe is a good way to minimize the risks of the internet..

Right now is a really good time to look into how BSafe can help you keep your loved ones safe, because they are offering a 10 day free trial offer.

Please click on the following link to see how BSafe can help you save your family from unsafe sites on the internet.

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Thanks

Milan and Kay

We will be appearing at the following locations:

Upcoming Workshops and Seminars:

SPEAKING ENGAGEMENTS:

December 12, 2007

Mariners Boundaries series: Resistance and Success with Boundaries
Mariners Church
5001 Newport Coast Drive
Irvine, CA 92603 
              (949) 854-7600       

January 18-20, 2008

Marriage Retreat for Abundant Life Christian Fellowship
Location: Mount Hermon Christian Conference Center, Mount Hermon, CA
Info:

January 25-27, 2008

Workshop, Ventura, CA (Topic TBA)
Bible Fellowship Church
6950 Ralston Street
Ventura, CA 93003
Info: www.bfconline.info or               (805) 656-7766       

February 23, 2008

How We Love workshop 9:00 - 4:30
Sonoma Ave Church of Christ
2200 Sonoma Ave
Santa Rosa, CA  95405 
              (707) 537-9899       

April 18 - 20, 2008

How We Love workshop
Times: Fri: 7:00 - 9:00 PM;   Sat: 9:00 - 4:00;   and Sun 9:00 - 10:30
Tree of Life, Lord's Harvest Christian Church
4140 Peralta Blvd.
Fremont, CA  94536 
              (510) 739-6133       

RADIO APPEARANCES (Subject to change): New Life Ministries Radio, Los Angeles area, KKLA 99.5 FM, 2 PM daily Mon - Fri.  Check www.newlife.com for nationwide listing of radio stations and times in your area as well as daily hosts.

Go to www.relationship180.com for details.

If this newsletter has helped you, perhaps it can also help others. Please let your friends, family and others know that they too can get the help they need by signing up for this free newsletter at: www.howwelove.com

Understanding your relationships is probably one of the MOST important tasks that you can do to improve your life.

To help you understand your relationships we have written the book :  

How We Love: A Revolutionary Approach to Deeper Connections in Marriage By Milan & Kay Yerkovich / Random House, Inc Relationship experts Milan and Kay Yerkovich help you identify negative responses learned in childhood that sabotage your relationships, creating invisible barriers to love. you'll find practical solutions and groundbreaking principles that equip you to identify the love styles disrupting your marriage, recognize the core pattersn in your relationship, develop a specific plan for change, enhance your sexual intimacy and more, to create a deeper, richer marriage.

How We Love Workbook: Making Deeper Connections in Marriage By Milan Yerkovich / Random House, Inc Every adult bears an "imprint of intimacy"-an inner sense of how much emtional vulnerability they can risk based on childhood experiences. those past lessons shape the behaviors, beliefs and expectations of all our current reltionships, especially marriage. This powerful companion workbook-perfect for use on your own or in a group setting-will help you apply the principles from How We Love and break free of the harmful imprints of the past. You'll find insightful questions to help you and your spouse pinpoint barriers to intimacy, efffective techniques to kickstart the process of lasting change and more.

Thanks to all of you for your support.

Copyright © 2007 Milan and Kay Yerkovich
Marriage / How We Love Newsletter November 2007.doc