Volume 53 December 20 , 2007
Abuse and Submission
… What’s Biblical and what’s intolerable?
Seventh of four part series.
One of the most common questions we receive by letter, e-mail and from callers on New Life Radio has to do with the tolerance of verbal and physical abuse within a home as well as with hostile people who persecute Christians.
Should we take a path of passivity or should we resist?
How do we reconcile victimization and abuse with submission within marriage?
What exactly does abuse mean?
When do we turn the other cheek?
Abuse Case Study #4:
It is common for people to come into our offices and report a childhood history of being abused and tormented by a bully who just would not away.
This abuser was always around, never went away and would strike fear in the heart of the victim by a mere glance or sneer.
Much to the surprise of many of you, it is not a parent or kid next door; it is an older sibling who is angry, jealous or just plain mean spirited.
One young man who was explosive toward his own wife and children finally confessed one day that when his parents left the house, his brother would tell him “Go run and hide and I am going to hunt you down and hurt you.”
After the chase was over and the older brother had his way with the younger brother, he would threaten him and say, “If you ever tell mom and Dad, I will smother you in the middle of the night.
They will never know how you died.”
This went on for several years and the younger brother suffered from insomnia, anxiety, poor grades, bed-wetting and separation anxiety.
The clueless parents chalked it off to ADD and a learning disorder.
He was shamed by his dad and coddled by his mom.
Like Esau and Jacob, the parental favoritism caused a huge divide in the both in the family as well as in the marriage.
Finally, one day he was big enough to kick the brother away and hurt him.
The abuse began to subside, yet not after being punished by the dad after the older brother told on him.
I had the wife hold him in her arms as he told the story to her and she comforted him and cried with him as he sobbed about the pain that he had to endure for so many years.
He was on the road to healing and his explosiveness and rage began to diminish proportionately to the nurturing and grieving process with his wife.
Parents do not be naive.
Always be on the lookout for abuse between siblings.
Let’s hear from another reader:
Dear Milan,
What about Ephesians 5:22-33 where the wife is told to be submissive (be subject) to her husband? Doesn’t this mean that she has to remain in an intolerable situation? In addition, I have heard you refer to situations where marital separation is warranted to protect from physical / emotional /financial harm etc. Can you explain your Biblical reasoning for this?
B
We will answer this question next week.
Thanks for being a part of our lives.
Have a Merry Christmas.
Love,
Milan & Kay
NEXT WEEK:
In the next two weeks, we will comment on I Peter 3 and Ephesians 5 regarding Biblical teaching on submission within a marriage.
SPREAD THE WORD:
If you enjoyed our newsletter, would you please forward it to your e-mail list or send a memo out encouraging them to sign up for our weekly newsletters? Thanks.
How We Love More Fully - NOW AVAILABLE IN CD FORMAT Now you can experience this inspiring sermon on CD with Milan's study notes printed for your convenience - we will ship it to you or someone you think could benefit from this incredible audio.
|
Do you need to be motivated to love more fully? Would you like to be inspired to take some steps to improve your relationships? I’d love to share two sermons with you called How to Love More Fully. I’ve gotten some positive feedback from the people who heard these seven important points and I want to inspire you to deepen your relationships. I’ll include my study notes so you can follow along. Use the following link to learn more: Use This Link To Find Out How to Love More Fully Blessings, Milan |
Would You Like To Keep Your Family Safe Online?
We want to encourage all our friends to keep the computer a safe place for kids and teens and spouses.
As counselors we are alarmed at the rising use of pornography with the easy availability of on-line sites.
We think BSafe is a good way to minimize the risks of the internet..
Right now is a really good time to look into how BSafe can help you keep your loved ones safe, because they are offering a 10 day offer to evaulate the product.
Please use the following link to see how BSafe can help you save your family from unsafe sites on the internet.
WANT TO BE PART OF OUR NEXT BOOK?
To help us and receive your gift please use this link: How We Love Sexually - Survey
(Make sure that you answer ALL of the questions - if you do not see the "Thank You" page after clicking the button
review your questions - you have probably not answered one or more)
Thanks
Milan and Kay
We will be appearing at the following locations:
Upcoming Workshops and Seminars:
SPEAKING ENGAGEMENTS:
January 18-20, 2008
Marriage Retreat for Abundant Life Christian Fellowship
Location: Mount Hermon Christian Conference Center, Mount Hermon, CA
Info:
January 25-27, 2008
Workshop, Ventura, CA (Topic TBA)
Bible Fellowship Church
6950 Ralston Street
Ventura, CA 93003
Info: www.bfconline.info or (805) 656-7766
February 23, 2008
How We Love workshop 9:00 – 4:30
Sonoma Ave Church of Christ
2200 Sonoma Ave
Santa Rosa, CA 95405
(707) 537-9899
April 18 – 20, 2008
How We Love workshop
Times: Fri: 7:00 – 9:00 PM; Sat: 9:00 – 4:00; and Sun 9:00 – 10:30
Tree of Life, Lord’s Harvest Christian Church
4140 Peralta Blvd.
Fremont, CA 94536
(510) 739-6133
RADIO APPEARANCES (Subject to change): New Life Ministries Radio, Los Angeles area, KKLA 99.5 FM, 2 PM daily Mon – Fri. Check www.newlife.com for nationwide listing of radio stations and times in your area as well as daily hosts.
Go to www.relationship180.com for details.
If this newsletter has helped you, perhaps it can also help others. Please let your friends, family and others know that they too can get the help they need by signing up for this newsletter at: www.howwelove.com
Understanding your relationships is probably one of the MOST important tasks that you can do to improve your life.
To help you understand your relationships we have written the book :
 |
How We Love: A Revolutionary Approach to Deeper Connections in Marriage By Milan & Kay Yerkovich / Random House, Inc Relationship experts Milan and Kay Yerkovich help you identify negative responses learned in childhood that sabotage your relationships, creating invisible barriers to love. you'll find practical solutions and groundbreaking principles that equip you to identify the love styles disrupting your marriage, recognize the core pattersn in your relationship, develop a specific plan for change, enhance your sexual intimacy and more, to create a deeper, richer marriage. |
 |
How We Love Workbook: Making Deeper Connections in Marriage By Milan Yerkovich / Random House, Inc Every adult bears an "imprint of intimacy"-an inner sense of how much emtional vulnerability they can risk based on childhood experiences. those past lessons shape the behaviors, beliefs and expectations of all our current reltionships, especially marriage. This powerful companion workbook-perfect for use on your own or in a group setting-will help you apply the principles from How We Love and break free of the harmful imprints of the past. You'll find insightful questions to help you and your spouse pinpoint barriers to intimacy, efffective techniques to kickstart the process of lasting change and more. |
Thanks to all of you for your support.
Copyright © 2007 Milan and Kay Yerkovich
Marriage / How We Love Newsletter November 2007.doc