Volume 54                                                                                                                         December 27 , 2007

Abuse and Submission
… What’s Biblical and what’s intolerable?
Eighth of four part series.

One of the most common questions we receive by letter, e-mail and from callers on New Life Radio has to do with the tolerance of verbal and physical abuse within a home as well as with hostile people who persecute Christians.  

Should we take a path of passivity or should we resist?  

How do we reconcile victimization and abuse with submission within marriage? 

What exactly does abuse mean?

When do we turn the other cheek?

Let’s hear from another reader:

Dear Milan,
What about Ephesians 5:22-33 where the wife is told to be submissive (be subject) to her husband?  Doesn’t this mean that she has to remain in an intolerable situation? In addition, I have heard you refer to situations where marital separation is warranted to protect from physical / emotional /financial harm etc.  Can you explain your Biblical reasoning for this?
B

Dear B,
There are a lot of good questions and thoughts here. 

Let me begin with the first part on submission. 

In the original Greek language in which the New Testament was first penned, the word for submission is “hupotasso”. 

It simply means to yield under the authority of someone such as church officials, government authorities, civil legislators, judges etc. 

God is a Lord who believes in authority structure. 

Not everyone can be in control at the same time, so instead of chaos and confusion God has established leadership principles that allow a group to operate with clarity and decisiveness. 

As a military unit would be very inefficient if all the members of the group could issue commands at the same time, so too, churches, homes and governments would be chaotic without leaders to guide the unit. 

Therefore, in the home, the husband is the leader and the family is to follow his leadership (I Corinthians 11:2-3). 

The Apostle Paul in Ephesians 5:21 summarizes teaching on community and unity by saying that all believers, male and female alike, are to be in submission to one another.

To put it simply, that amongst Christians, we are to demonstrate mutual deference and service to one another.

In verse 22, it continues by saying “wives, be subject to your husbands”. 

That is, they should yield to his leadership in the home. 

While there are many loving husbands who lead well and take into account the thoughts and feelings of their wife and children, there are some, who are not. 

Many husbands are mean spirited, unkind and in some cases are verbally, emotionally and physically abusive.

There appears to be room for a temporary separation in I Corinthians 7:10-11. 

While it does not say what the rationale is for a separation, it does say that the choices are to remain single or be reconciled to the husband. 

Therefore, Bible scholars take that to mean that the Bible recognizes that separations do occur.

Also, “wisdom” which the Bible talks about in James 1:5, which God says He will give to those who are perplexed by a trial, indicates that there is a subjective or common sense aspect to making decisions in a broken world. 

Abuse, financial irresponsibility, rage, child endangerment etc., are all things that if viewed through the lens of “wisdom” we would conclude that they are unhealthy and damaging to the victims, so they need to get away from it until the reactivity of the perpetrator is abated.

In summary, Ephesians 5:21-33 is teaching that yielding under the authority of the husband is necessary for there to be unity within the home. 

Simply stated, not everyone can be leading at the same time. 

It is not instructing a woman to remain in a dangerous and perilous place for either herself or her children. 

The church and the government are to help protect her from the hurtful husband.

Love and blessings,

Milan & Kay

NEXT WEEK:
We will wrap up our series on abuse and submission.

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We will be appearing at the following locations:

Upcoming Workshops and Seminars:

SPEAKING ENGAGEMENTS:

January 18-20, 2008

Marriage Retreat for Abundant Life Christian Fellowship
Location: Mount Hermon Christian Conference Center, Mount Hermon, CA
Info:

January 25-27, 2008

Workshop, Ventura, CA (Topic TBA)
Bible Fellowship Church
6950 Ralston Street
Ventura, CA 93003
Info: www.bfconline.info or (805) 656-7766

February 23, 2008

How We Love workshop 9:00 – 4:30
Sonoma Ave Church of Christ
2200 Sonoma Ave
Santa Rosa, CA  95405
(707) 537-9899

April 18 – 20, 2008

How We Love workshop
Times: Fri: 7:00 – 9:00 PM;   Sat: 9:00 – 4:00;   and Sun 9:00 – 10:30
Tree of Life, Lord’s Harvest Christian Church
4140 Peralta Blvd.
Fremont, CA  94536
(510) 739-6133

RADIO APPEARANCES (Subject to change): New Life Ministries Radio, Los Angeles area, KKLA 99.5 FM, 2 PM daily Mon – Fri.  Check www.newlife.com for nationwide listing of radio stations and times in your area as well as daily hosts.

Go to www.relationship180.com for details.

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Understanding your relationships is probably one of the MOST important tasks that you can do to improve your life.

To help you understand your relationships we have written the book :  

How We Love: A Revolutionary Approach to Deeper Connections in Marriage By Milan & Kay Yerkovich / Random House, Inc Relationship experts Milan and Kay Yerkovich help you identify negative responses learned in childhood that sabotage your relationships, creating invisible barriers to love. you'll find practical solutions and groundbreaking principles that equip you to identify the love styles disrupting your marriage, recognize the core pattersn in your relationship, develop a specific plan for change, enhance your sexual intimacy and more, to create a deeper, richer marriage.

How We Love Workbook: Making Deeper Connections in Marriage By Milan Yerkovich / Random House, Inc Every adult bears an "imprint of intimacy"-an inner sense of how much emtional vulnerability they can risk based on childhood experiences. those past lessons shape the behaviors, beliefs and expectations of all our current reltionships, especially marriage. This powerful companion workbook-perfect for use on your own or in a group setting-will help you apply the principles from How We Love and break free of the harmful imprints of the past. You'll find insightful questions to help you and your spouse pinpoint barriers to intimacy, efffective techniques to kickstart the process of lasting change and more.

Thanks to all of you for your support.

Copyright © 2007 Milan and Kay Yerkovich
Marriage / How We Love Newsletter November 2007.doc