Volume 63                                                                                                                          February 28, 2008

Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage
(Second in a series.)

We receive so many calls and questions about what are the rules for getting in and out of a marriage relationship. 

What does the Bible say? 

Did Jesus speak on the topic? 

For the next few weeks, we will be looking at what the New Testament says about this controversial topic.

DIVORCE AND RE-MARRIAGE:

Why then is there such a thing as divorce? 

Jesus answers this question by stating, “Because of your hardness of heart, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way (Mathew 19:8).” 

A hard heart therefore, is the reason God permitted divorce. 

We learn from scripture that there are two major manifestations of hardness of heart, which God states as allowances for divorce: sexual immorality and unbelief in Christ with a subsequent rejection of the Christian spouse.

First allowance for divorce with the subsequent right to re-marry: “Sexual Immorality.”

Regarding sexual immorality, Jesus says this, “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another commits adultery (Matthew 19:9).” 

The following truths can be observed from this verse. 

* Divorce without the cause of immorality and then a re-marriage to another person is not considered by God to be a marriage but rather “adultery”.  The verb tense (present active indicative) clearly indicates that the second “marriage” is literally a continuing state of adultery.  While a government may say that a re-marriage is legal, God states that the couple is in an adulterous relationship (Cf. Matthew 5:31-32; Luke 16:18; Mark 10:11-12). 

* In addition, it is noted that there is an exception to the rule that second marriages due to divorce are adulterous.  This exception is the cause of sexual immorality.  The words “except for the cause of” in Matthew 5:32, are the two Greek words parektos logou.   The first of these, parektos, is an adverb, which means “to take out or to exclude from the enumeration or statement, besides or outside”. 3   The second word logou is defined as an “assertion or report”. 4  Thus, divorce can have a correct reason that allows a re-marriage to be truly marriage in the eyes of God and not adultery.  Namely, the report of sexual immorality on the part of one of the marriage partners.

* The Greek word pornea, is the word that is used in Matthew 5:32 and in 19:9.  It is the basis for our English word “pornography”. It is a broad term, which incorporates every kind of unlawful sexual intercourse, which includes adultery among married people, promiscuity among singles and homosexuality.  Thus, divorce and re-marriage is not permissible unless one of the persons is involved in pornea, which allows the innocent party to initiate divorce and remarry without the Divine stigma of being called an adulterer.  It is important to note here however that at no point is the innocent party constrained to exercise the divorce option (Ephesians 4:32; Matthew 18:22).

God has an extreme dislike for the failure to honor the sanctity of marriage. 

Hebrews 13:4 says, “Let the marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” 

The hardness of heart among people is one cause for Biblical divorce because “adultery destroys what, according to its original institution by God, constitutes the very essence of marriage, the union of two in one flesh.” 5 

Thus, sexual immorality is a Biblical allowance for divorce according to Jesus Christ.

It is interesting to note that John the Baptist even viewed this principle as a “law” of God that even applied to non - believers. 

In Matthew 14:3-4, John the Baptist was arrested by Herod the tetrarch because he confronted him for taking his brother Phillip’s wife Herodias away from him, “For John had been saying to him, ‘it is not lawful for you to have her.’”

In Matthew 19:10-12, the disciples were so taken back by this very limited allowance for divorce as opposed to the liberal divorce codes within the Jewish culture of that day, that they exclaimed in response, “If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry.” 

Jesus responded in an unusual way. 

Instead of expanding His thoughts on God’s “limited” divorce policy, He retorted,

“Not all men can accept this statement (the disciples’ statement about not getting married), but only those to whom it has been given.  For there are eunuchs (those who do not marry and remain celibate) who were born that way from their mother’s womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men (i.e. The Ethiopian Eunuch in Acts 8); and there are eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven (i.e. Paul in I Corinthians 7).  He who is able to accept this let him accept it.”

His point is that only a few can accept the disciple’s statement “that it is better then not to get married” that is only those who are eunuchs. 

This means that the rest of us cannot accept this statement and thus, marriage is God’s plan for the majority of people.  

Since this is the case, we are subject to God’s difficult views of marriage, divorce and remarriage.

Jesus then changes the subject and leaves the disciples with perhaps the same unresolved questions in their minds as we have today when we read various other topics of scripture, which seem to be difficult to understand. 

To be honest with ourselves, some of God’s “limited ways of thinking” or “narrow ways” have been contested, debated and chaffed at for centuries such as the very Gospel itself in John 3:16, God’s sovereign choices John 6 and Romans 9 and the “narrow gate” spoken of in Matthew 7:13-14 just to name a few examples. 

We hope this begins to make clear how God thinks and what his opinions are on this important topic.

Love and blessings,
Milan & Kay

Next Week:  “What is the second reason for divorce?”

NEWS ALERT:  Kay is in Croatia for the next two weeks working with Women of the Harvest.  They will be conducting two, 4-day retreats in Dubrovnik with North American missionary women stationed in Europe, Eastern Europe and the Middle East.  Pray for her as she does individual counseling sessions and makes a presentation about our book How We Love.

ANOTHER NEWS ALERT:  We are putting the final touches on a package that many of you have been asking for. Our "How We Love" seminar is coming out on DVD within the next two weeks.

This long awaited three DVD set will give you an opportunity to experience firsthand our life changing, relationship improving "How We Love" Seminar.

One person who attended had this to say: "My husband and I attended your weekend "How We Love" seminar. We were absolutely energized by the experience!"

The sponsor of the seminar had these kinds words to say:

"Everyone loved the material presented, the emotional intensity of the conference, and your transparency as a couple.  The real emotional responses from numerous couples were about how difficult things had been in their marriage and how you gave them hope.  This was especially evident in the prayer requests submitted- a VERY long list of submitted requests for their marriages!  One response said  “we felt our marriage was over and I really think we have a chance since we can better understand the sources of our problems.” I saw one praise of an unbelieving husband who came with his wife, and she said he was positive about the church, and of the weekend, and they had talked more that weekend than in 14 years of married life! "

See below for more information on this incredible seminar experience!!

SPREAD THE WORD:

If you enjoyed our newsletter, would you please forward it to your e-mail list or send a memo out encouraging them to sign up for our weekly newsletters?  Thanks.

Now the Life Changing Book "How We Love" is in PAPERBACK!!!

And....the Book and Workbook are Combined into ONE!!!

Learn more About the NEW Combination Book/Workbook below:

How We Love: Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage

Would You Like To Keep Your Family Safe Online?

We want to encourage all our friends to keep the computer a safe place for kids and teens and spouses.

As counselors we are alarmed at the rising use of pornography with the easy availability of on-line sites.

We think BSafe is a good way to minimize the risks of the internet..

Right now is a really good time to look into how BSafe can help you keep your loved ones safe, because they are offering a 10 day offer to evaulate the product.

Please use the following link to see how BSafe can help you save your family from unsafe sites on the internet.

WANT TO BE PART OF OUR NEXT BOOK?

To help us and receive your gift please use this link: How We Love Sexually - Survey

(Make sure that you answer ALL of the questions - if you do not see the "Thank You" page after clicking the button

review your questions - you have probably not answered one or more)

Thanks

Milan and Kay

SPEAKING ENGAGEMENTS:

February 27 – March 13, 2008

Women of the Harvest
Women’s Missionary Retreat (Kay)
Zagreb, Croatia

April 18 – 19, 2008

7:00 – 9:00 PM Friday night Part 1
9:00 AM – 4 PM Saturday Part 2
How We Love Workshop (Milan & Kay)
Tree of Life, Lord’s Harvest Christian Church
4140 Peralta Blvd.
Fremont, CA 94536
Registration & information: Angelina at church office (510) 739-6133

April 20, 2008

9:00 AM – 10:30 AM  Questions and Answers from Milan and Kay
10:30 AM- 12:00 PM Milan to preach at church service.
Tree of Life, Lord’s Harvest Christian Church
4140 Peralta Blvd.
Fremont, CA 94536
Registration & information: (510) 739-6133

April 26, 2008

8:30 AM – 12:00 PM
Childbirth Education Association, Orange County Chapter
“Nurturing the Couple Connection in the Postpartum Period” (Milan & Kay)
Embassy Suites, Anaheim – South
11767 Harbor Boulevard
Garden Grove, CA 92840
Costs & Information: Rosemary (714) 639-5772 and / or www.ceaorangecounty.com
(Parents and parents-to-be are welcome to attend but must register.)
 
May 7, 14, 21, 28, 2008

7:00 – 9:00 PM
A Four Week How We Love Workshop (Milan & Kay)
Rock Harbor University @ Rock Harbor Church
3080 Airway Ave.
Costa Mesa, CA 92626
Meeting Room: “The Lab” (Do we have to wear protective eyewear?).
Registration begins mid to late April at www.rhuonline.org
Church phone: (714) 384-0914

May 23 – 25, 2008

7:00 – 10:00 PM Friday
All day Saturday
8:00 AM – 12:00 PM Sunday
How We Love Workshop (Milan & Kay)
Hosted by Lighthouse Christian Center, Puyallup, Washington
Venue location: Best Western Wesley Inn
6575 Kimball Drive
Gig harbor, WA 98335
Registration & Information: (253) 848-2028 and / or www.lighthousehome.org
Note: While this is a church couples retreat, individuals and couples who are not staying at the hotel may attend the teaching sessions.  Registration is still required.

RADIO APPEARANCES (Subject to change): New Life Ministries Radio, Los Angeles area, KKLA 99.5 FM, 2 PM daily Mon – Fri.  Check www.newlife.com for nationwide listing of radio stations and times in your area as well as daily hosts.

Dec 21, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 31 and Jan 11

Go to www.relationship180.com for details.

If this newsletter has helped you, perhaps it can also help others. Please let your friends, family and others know that they too can get the help they need by signing up for this newsletter at: www.howwelove.com

Understanding your relationships is probably one of the MOST important tasks that you can do to improve your life.

To help you understand your relationships we have written the book :  

How We Love: A Revolutionary Approach to Deeper Connections in Marriage By Milan & Kay Yerkovich / Random House, Inc Relationship experts Milan and Kay Yerkovich help you identify negative responses learned in childhood that sabotage your relationships, creating invisible barriers to love. you'll find practical solutions and groundbreaking principles that equip you to identify the love styles disrupting your marriage, recognize the core pattersn in your relationship, develop a specific plan for change, enhance your sexual intimacy and more, to create a deeper, richer marriage.

How We Love Workbook: Making Deeper Connections in Marriage By Milan Yerkovich / Random House, Inc Every adult bears an "imprint of intimacy"-an inner sense of how much emtional vulnerability they can risk based on childhood experiences. those past lessons shape the behaviors, beliefs and expectations of all our current reltionships, especially marriage. This powerful companion workbook-perfect for use on your own or in a group setting-will help you apply the principles from How We Love and break free of the harmful imprints of the past. You'll find insightful questions to help you and your spouse pinpoint barriers to intimacy, efffective techniques to kickstart the process of lasting change and more.

Thanks to all of you for your support.

Copyright © 2008 Milan and Kay Yerkovich
Marriage / How We Love Newsletter February 28, 2008