Volume 64                                                                                                                          March 06 , 2008

Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage
(Third in a series.)

We receive so many calls and questions about what are the rules for getting in and out of a marriage relationship. 

What does the Bible say? 

Did Jesus speak on the topic? 

For the next few weeks, we will be looking at what the New Testament says about this controversial topic.

DIVORCE AND RE-MARRIAGE:

The second allowance for divorce and subsequent right to re-marry: “Abandonment of a Christian by an unbeliever.”

The second manifestation of hardness of heart, which God states as the reason for divorce, is that of unbelief in Christ by one of the marriage partners and their abandonment of the believer. 

The Apostle Paul writing to the Corinthian Church says,

“ …that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, let him not send her away (divorce).  And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, let her not send her husband away.  For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy.  Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.  For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband?  Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife (I Corinthians 7:12b-16)?”

In this passage, we are dealing with marriages where one of the partners is not a Christian and the other one is a believer. 

It is clear from II Corinthians 6:14-18, that Christians are to not marry unbelievers. 

This is because a child of God who is holy in the eyes of God and walking according to Christ’s commands would be “yoking” himself or herself to someone who is unholy in God’s eyes and walking according to different goals, values and ideologies. 

Instead of walking together in unity, there would be conflict and strife at every turn in the road. 

Therefore, in the I Corinthians 7 text, the contextual backdrop would be that one of the marriage partners became a Christian after the couple was married as unbelievers. 

What is the Christian partner to do as their newfound faith in Christ leads them to baptism, growth, church membership, new relationships, new goals and new values? 

The key presupposition within this passage is that the Christian will naturally be growing,  become more holy and thus become different as opposed to staying at the maturity level of the unbeliever.  

How should this kind of marriage problem be handled?   

Paul’s answer is to let the unbeliever make the decision as to whether he or she wishes to stay with the Christian or not. 

On one hand, the unbeliever may decide to stay married even thought they see their spouse growing in their new relationship to Christ.  Paul tells the Christian, “let him not send her away (v.7:12).” 

Perhaps they may end up becoming a Christian because of the influence of their mate. 

This results then is a “waiting game” on the part of the believer in which they are not just cynically waiting for the partner to fall off the marriage platform, but rather trying to win them to Christ (II Peter 3:9).

On the other hand, the unbeliever may harden their heart to Christ and decide to leave the Christian. 

Paul says, “let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace (I Corinthians 7:15).” 

The word “bondage” in this verse is the word doulao and means, “to be enslaved or subject to” … or in the verb form found here, it means, “to be bound as a slave is bound to a master.” 6

So, as originally stated, Christian marriage is a permanent binding of one person to another, yet hardness of heart leading to unbelief in Christ and the subsequent rejection of a Christian as a marriage partner is the second Biblical reason why God allows divorce with the subsequent right to re-marry in Christ.  

While this is difficult material to comprehend, we hope this begins to make clear how God thinks and what his opinions are on this important topic. 

Toward the end of the series, we will be discussing some of the sensitive and practical issues surrounding this topic.

Love and blessings,
Milan & Kay

Next Week: “What are some conclusions and practical considerations?”

NEWS ALERT:  Kay is in Croatia for the next two weeks working with Women of the Harvest.  They will be conducting two, 4-day retreats in Dubrovnik with North American missionary women stationed in Europe, Eastern Europe and the Middle East.  Pray for her as she does individual counseling sessions and makes a presentation about our book How We Love.

MONDAY NIGHT RELATIONSHIP BUILDING:

Kay and I will starting a weekly Monday night teaching event that will be hosted by our non-profit ministry, Relationship 180. 

It will be at our home church, Coast Hills Church in Aliso Viejo, California and we will be discussing topics every week that will help turn relationships in the right direction. 

We plan to begin in mid April, so we hope you will join us.

If you cannot make it to these Monday night events in California we are thinking about ways in which to share this valuable information with all of you.  Look for more information in the next few newsletters.

ANOTHER NEWS ALERT: 

We are EXTREMELY EXCITED about the opportunity for all of you to enjoy and learn from our "How We Love" Seminars. We videotaped a recent seminar and have created a three DVD package of the seminar. The DVD's have been finalized and we are sending them off to the duplicators!!!

This is a complete "How We Love" LIVE SEMINAR and you will find that once you know of all of the extra bonus items included in the package that you will be excited also!!

This long awaited three DVD set will give you an opportunity to experience firsthand our life changing, relationship improving "How We Love" Seminar.

One person who attended the seminar had this to say: "My husband and I attended your weekend "How We Love" seminar. We were absolutely energized by the experience!"

The sponsor of the seminar had these kinds words to say:

"Everyone loved the material presented, the emotional intensity of the conference, and your transparency as a couple.  The real emotional responses from numerous couples were about how difficult things had been in their marriage and how you gave them hope.  This was especially evident in the prayer requests submitted- a VERY long list of submitted requests for their marriages!  One response said  “we felt our marriage was over and I really think we have a chance since we can better understand the sources of our problems.” I saw one praise of an unbelieving husband who came with his wife, and she said he was positive about the church, and of the weekend, and they had talked more that weekend than in 14 years of married life! "

See below for more information on this incredible seminar experience!!

SPREAD THE WORD:

If you enjoyed our newsletter, would you please forward it to your e-mail list or send a memo out encouraging them to sign up for our weekly newsletters?  Thanks.

Now the Life Changing Book "How We Love" is in PAPERBACK!!!

And....the Book and Workbook are Combined into ONE!!!

Learn more About the NEW Combination Book/Workbook below:

How We Love: Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage

Would You Like To Keep Your Family Safe Online?

We want to encourage all our friends to keep the computer a safe place for kids and teens and spouses.

As counselors we are alarmed at the rising use of pornography with the easy availability of on-line sites.

We think BSafe is a good way to minimize the risks of the internet..

Right now is a really good time to look into how BSafe can help you keep your loved ones safe, because they are offering a 10 day offer to evaulate the product.

Please use the following link to see how BSafe can help you save your family from unsafe sites on the internet.

WANT TO BE PART OF OUR NEXT BOOK?

To help us and receive your gift please use this link: How We Love Sexually - Survey

(Make sure that you answer ALL of the questions - if you do not see the "Thank You" page after clicking the button

review your questions - you have probably not answered one or more)

Thanks

Milan and Kay

SPEAKING ENGAGEMENTS:

February 27 – March 13, 2008

Women of the Harvest
Women’s Missionary Retreat (Kay)
Zagreb, Croatia

April 18 – 19, 2008

7:00 – 9:00 PM Friday night Part 1
9:00 AM – 4 PM Saturday Part 2
How We Love Workshop (Milan & Kay)
Tree of Life, Lord’s Harvest Christian Church
4140 Peralta Blvd.
Fremont, CA 94536
Registration & information: Angelina at church office (510) 739-6133

April 20, 2008

9:00 AM – 10:30 AM  Questions and Answers from Milan and Kay
10:30 AM- 12:00 PM Milan to preach at church service.
Tree of Life, Lord’s Harvest Christian Church
4140 Peralta Blvd.
Fremont, CA 94536
Registration & information: (510) 739-6133

April 26, 2008

8:30 AM – 12:00 PM
Childbirth Education Association, Orange County Chapter
“Nurturing the Couple Connection in the Postpartum Period” (Milan & Kay)
Embassy Suites, Anaheim – South
11767 Harbor Boulevard
Garden Grove, CA 92840
Costs & Information: Rosemary (714) 639-5772 and / or www.ceaorangecounty.com
(Parents and parents-to-be are welcome to attend but must register.)
 
May 7, 14, 21, 28, 2008

7:00 – 9:00 PM
A Four Week How We Love Workshop (Milan & Kay)
Rock Harbor University @ Rock Harbor Church
3080 Airway Ave.
Costa Mesa, CA 92626
Meeting Room: “The Lab” (Do we have to wear protective eyewear?).
Registration begins mid to late April at www.rhuonline.org
Church phone: (714) 384-0914

May 23 – 25, 2008

7:00 – 10:00 PM Friday
All day Saturday
8:00 AM – 12:00 PM Sunday
How We Love Workshop (Milan & Kay)
Hosted by Lighthouse Christian Center, Puyallup, Washington
Venue location: Best Western Wesley Inn
6575 Kimball Drive
Gig harbor, WA 98335
Registration & Information: (253) 848-2028 and / or www.lighthousehome.org
Note: While this is a church couples retreat, individuals and couples who are not staying at the hotel may attend the teaching sessions.  Registration is still required.

RADIO APPEARANCES (Subject to change): New Life Ministries Radio, Los Angeles area, KKLA 99.5 FM, 2 PM daily Mon – Fri.  Check www.newlife.com for nationwide listing of radio stations and times in your area as well as daily hosts.

Dec 21, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 31 and Jan 11

Go to www.relationship180.com for details.

If this newsletter has helped you, perhaps it can also help others. Please let your friends, family and others know that they too can get the help they need by signing up for this newsletter at: www.howwelove.com

Understanding your relationships is probably one of the MOST important tasks that you can do to improve your life.

To help you understand your relationships we have written the book :  

How We Love: A Revolutionary Approach to Deeper Connections in Marriage By Milan & Kay Yerkovich / Random House, Inc Relationship experts Milan and Kay Yerkovich help you identify negative responses learned in childhood that sabotage your relationships, creating invisible barriers to love. you'll find practical solutions and groundbreaking principles that equip you to identify the love styles disrupting your marriage, recognize the core pattersn in your relationship, develop a specific plan for change, enhance your sexual intimacy and more, to create a deeper, richer marriage.

How We Love Workbook: Making Deeper Connections in Marriage By Milan Yerkovich / Random House, Inc Every adult bears an "imprint of intimacy"-an inner sense of how much emtional vulnerability they can risk based on childhood experiences. those past lessons shape the behaviors, beliefs and expectations of all our current reltionships, especially marriage. This powerful companion workbook-perfect for use on your own or in a group setting-will help you apply the principles from How We Love and break free of the harmful imprints of the past. You'll find insightful questions to help you and your spouse pinpoint barriers to intimacy, efffective techniques to kickstart the process of lasting change and more.

Thanks to all of you for your support.

Copyright © 2008 Milan and Kay Yerkovich
Marriage / How We Love Newsletter March 06, 2008