Volume 66                                                                                                                         March 20 , 2008

Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage
(Fifth in a series.)

We receive so many calls and questions about what are the rules for getting in and out of a marriage relationship. 

What does the Bible say? 

Did Jesus speak on the topic? 

For the next few weeks, we will be looking at what the New Testament says about this controversial topic.

What we’ve learned so far is that the Bible teaches that there are two sanctioned reasons that allow the Christian to divorce and then re-marry.  They are,  

• First allowance for divorce with the subsequent right to re-marry: “Sexual Immorality.”
• Second allowance for divorce and subsequent right to re-marry: “Abandonment of a Christian by an unbeliever.”

Because we live in a broken, fallen world under the curse (Genesis 3, Romans 8), the world is a place where we find ourselves in some very sticky and unclear places where the waters are muddy. 

So practically speaking, how do we wade through all of this?

CONCLUSIONS AND PRACTICAL CONSIDERATIONS Part 2:

1. Pornea as grounds for divorce does not equal lustful adulterous thoughts or pornography (a common presenting issue within marital discord) as described in Matthew 5:27-28), as the word pornea describes illicit behaviors (sexual acts) with another person(s). 
2. Many people who do not understand the historical context of this passage commonly misunderstand the words in this passage. In Matthew 5:27-28, He is challenging the assumption of righteousness held by the religious leaders as well as the populous at large.  They assumed they were righteous before God based upon following the letter of the law.  If this were the case then they would not need to trust in the upcoming substitutionary work of Christ on the cross.  In His public address, He is exposing matters of the heart to show the crowd that they were indeed guilty before a Holy God and subsequently in need of a Savior.  The standards of God were actually higher than the teachings of the religious leaders of Israel.  The persistent challenging of the religious establishment by Jesus, ultimately lead their decision to crucify Him.  
3. While abuse is certainly wrong, it is not listed within the Bible as grounds for divorce.  Separation for securing physical and emotional safety for oneself and the children is the suggested course of action.  This action would include police and legal interventions.  Often, with strong measures taken and therapy, which addresses the injuries of the abuser, growth and change can occur.  Some theologians may make a case that such behavior is “un-Christian like” so they default to the position that the person acting unbecomingly must not be a Christian, thus they are “abandoning” the believer which in turn gives the innocent party a Biblical basis for divorce. I do not personally hold to this view because Christians can do shameful acts and deeds and still be saved.
4. How do you handle the resistant, non-growing “Christian” spouse?  Instead of getting sucked down into the drain of negativism and cynicism, keep growing in Christ and moving toward service, fellowship and personal growth.
5. How do you handle two Christians stuck in a stalemate where the marriage is dead in their eyes and past hurts seem insurmountable?  Philippians 2 says there should be a “race to humility” where the other’s interests are considered more important than your own.
6.  How about two Christians separated or divorced without Biblical grounds who then are in a celibate standoff waiting for the other person to “morally fail” so that they can then claim they have a biblical grounds for divorce?  Keep working on reconciliation and spiritual & emotional growth for God is undoubtedly desiring to use this “trial” to bring both partners into a place of maturity where they are more “perfect and complete lacking in nothing (James 1:1-5).”

Footnotes:

1. William Wilson, Wilson’s Old Testament Word Studies, (McLean: MacDonald Publishing Company), p.79.
2. Walter Bauer, A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament, Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1957), p.783.
3. Bauer, op. cit., p. 630
4. Bauer, op. cit., p. 478
5. Merrill F. Unger, Unger’s Bible Dictionary, (Chicago: Moody Press, 1966), p. 272.
6. Bauer, op. cit., p. 205.

Again, we know that this is very difficult material to take in and absorb, so go slowly and ask God for wisdom in applying these concepts to your life.  Next week we will discuss some of your e-mail questions. 

Thanks for listening,

Love and blessings,
Milan & Kay

Next Week: We will discuss some of your e-mail questions. 

NEWS ALERT: Kay is home and the ministry of Women of the Harvest to North American Missionary women in Eastern Europe was fantastic.  The team spent hours of counseling, teaching, mentoring, worship Bible teaching and encouraging women who are often isolated and in need of encouragement.  

MONDAY NIGHT RELATIONSHIP BUILDING:

Milan and Kay are teaching at a new Monday night event on discovering the truth about transformational relationships. It will begin on April 14th. All are welcome to attend this weekly event designed to help you turn your relationships in the right direction. Held at Coast Hills Community Church each week from 7 -8:30pm, the Yerkovich’s will be teaching on principles from their book, How We Love.  We hope you will join us!

In preparation of this city-wide affair, we are inviting you to come join us at an upcoming Open House. On Monday night April 7th we are gathering at our new offices to do four things.

1. Pray for the impact this new weekly study will have on relationships in our community.
2. Hear a personal report of Kay’s recent travels to Croatia (we have pictures J).
3. Give you a chance to see the new office space God recently provided.
4. And, introduce Eric Nachtrieb, the newest addition to the staff. Eric was the co-founder of the ministry and is going to join the team in April as the new Executive Director.

Stop by and say hi!

In Him,

Milan and Kay

If you cannot make it to these Monday night events in California we are thinking about ways in which to share this valuable information with all of you.  Look for more information in the next few newsletters.

ANOTHER NEWS ALERT: 

We are EXTREMELY EXCITED about the opportunity for all of you to enjoy and learn from our "How We Love" Seminars. We videotaped a recent seminar and have created a three DVD package of the seminar. The DVD's have been finalized and we are sending them off to the duplicators!!!

This is a complete "How We Love" LIVE SEMINAR and you will find that once you know of all of the extra bonus items included in the package that you will be excited also!!

This long awaited three DVD set will give you an opportunity to experience firsthand our life changing, relationship improving "How We Love" Seminar.

One person who attended the seminar had this to say: "My husband and I attended your weekend "How We Love" seminar. We were absolutely energized by the experience!"

The sponsor of the seminar had these kinds words to say:

"Everyone loved the material presented, the emotional intensity of the conference, and your transparency as a couple.  The real emotional responses from numerous couples were about how difficult things had been in their marriage and how you gave them hope.  This was especially evident in the prayer requests submitted- a VERY long list of submitted requests for their marriages!  One response said  “we felt our marriage was over and I really think we have a chance since we can better understand the sources of our problems.” I saw one praise of an unbelieving husband who came with his wife, and she said he was positive about the church, and of the weekend, and they had talked more that weekend than in 14 years of married life! "

See below for more information on this incredible seminar experience!!

SPREAD THE WORD:

If you enjoyed our newsletter, would you please forward it to your e-mail list or send a memo out encouraging them to sign up for our weekly newsletters?  Thanks.

Now the Life Changing Book "How We Love" is in PAPERBACK!!!

And....the Book and Workbook are Combined into ONE!!!

Learn more About the NEW Combination Book/Workbook below:

How We Love: Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage

Would You Like To Keep Your Family Safe Online?

We want to encourage all our friends to keep the computer a safe place for kids and teens and spouses.

As counselors we are alarmed at the rising use of pornography with the easy availability of on-line sites.

We think BSafe is a good way to minimize the risks of the internet..

Right now is a really good time to look into how BSafe can help you keep your loved ones safe, because they are offering a 10 day offer to evaulate the product.

Please use the following link to see how BSafe can help you save your family from unsafe sites on the internet.

WANT TO BE PART OF OUR NEXT BOOK?

To help us and receive your gift please use this link: How We Love Sexually - Survey

(Make sure that you answer ALL of the questions - if you do not see the "Thank You" page after clicking the button

review your questions - you have probably not answered one or more)

Thanks

Milan and Kay

SPEAKING ENGAGEMENTS:

April 18 – 19, 2008

7:00 – 9:00 PM Friday night Part 1
9:00 AM – 4 PM Saturday Part 2
How We Love Workshop (Milan & Kay)
Tree of Life, Lord’s Harvest Christian Church
4140 Peralta Blvd.
Fremont, CA 94536
Registration & information: Angelina at church office (510) 739-6133

April 20, 2008

9:00 AM – 10:30 AM  Questions and Answers from Milan and Kay
10:30 AM- 12:00 PM Milan to preach at church service.
Tree of Life, Lord’s Harvest Christian Church
4140 Peralta Blvd.
Fremont, CA 94536
Registration & information: (510) 739-6133

April 26, 2008

8:30 AM – 12:00 PM
Childbirth Education Association, Orange County Chapter
“Nurturing the Couple Connection in the Postpartum Period” (Milan & Kay)
Embassy Suites, Anaheim – South
11767 Harbor Boulevard
Garden Grove, CA 92840
Costs & Information: Rosemary (714) 639-5772 and / or www.ceaorangecounty.com
(Parents and parents-to-be are welcome to attend but must register.)
 
May 7, 14, 21, 28, 2008

7:00 – 9:00 PM
A Four Week How We Love Workshop (Milan & Kay)
Rock Harbor University @ Rock Harbor Church
3080 Airway Ave.
Costa Mesa, CA 92626
Meeting Room: “The Lab” (Do we have to wear protective eyewear?).
Registration begins mid to late April at www.rhuonline.org
Church phone: (714) 384-0914

May 23 – 25, 2008

7:00 – 10:00 PM Friday
All day Saturday
8:00 AM – 12:00 PM Sunday
How We Love Workshop (Milan & Kay)
Hosted by Lighthouse Christian Center, Puyallup, Washington
Venue location: Best Western Wesley Inn
6575 Kimball Drive
Gig harbor, WA 98335
Registration & Information: (253) 848-2028 and / or www.lighthousehome.org
Note: While this is a church couples retreat, individuals and couples who are not staying at the hotel may attend the teaching sessions.  Registration is still required.

RADIO APPEARANCES (Subject to change): New Life Ministries Radio, Los Angeles area, KKLA 99.5 FM, 2 PM daily Mon – Fri.  Check www.newlife.com for nationwide listing of radio stations and times in your area as well as daily hosts.

Go to www.relationship180.com for details.

If this newsletter has helped you, perhaps it can also help others. Please let your friends, family and others know that they too can get the help they need by signing up for this newsletter at: www.howwelove.com

Understanding your relationships is probably one of the MOST important tasks that you can do to improve your life.

To help you understand your relationships we have written the book :  

How We Love: A Revolutionary Approach to Deeper Connections in Marriage By Milan & Kay Yerkovich / Random House, Inc Relationship experts Milan and Kay Yerkovich help you identify negative responses learned in childhood that sabotage your relationships, creating invisible barriers to love. you'll find practical solutions and groundbreaking principles that equip you to identify the love styles disrupting your marriage, recognize the core pattersn in your relationship, develop a specific plan for change, enhance your sexual intimacy and more, to create a deeper, richer marriage.

How We Love Workbook: Making Deeper Connections in Marriage By Milan Yerkovich / Random House, Inc Every adult bears an "imprint of intimacy"-an inner sense of how much emtional vulnerability they can risk based on childhood experiences. those past lessons shape the behaviors, beliefs and expectations of all our current reltionships, especially marriage. This powerful companion workbook-perfect for use on your own or in a group setting-will help you apply the principles from How We Love and break free of the harmful imprints of the past. You'll find insightful questions to help you and your spouse pinpoint barriers to intimacy, efffective techniques to kickstart the process of lasting change and more.

Thanks to all of you for your support.

Copyright © 2008 Milan and Kay Yerkovich
Marriage / How We Love Newsletter March 20, 2008