Volume 76 May 29 , 2008
Series: Comfort and Relief: May 2008
Comfort and Relief
Part 4 of 4
Each of the injured love styles is a learned method for coping with stress.
Avoiders attempt to soothe themselves by moving away from the irritation and problem solving.
Pleasers find relief by staying close and seeking reassurance.
The Vacillator is comforted by angrily pursuing and wearing down the person causing the irritation.
The Controller settles agitation by angrily dominating the behaviors of others.
And the Victim obtains relief by utter compliance to the whims and wishes of others.
While defense mechanisms served to protect the person when they were a child, they do not serve us well as adults but rather sabotage the very closeness and intimacy we desire.
So how can we find a more excellent way to find comfort, relief and soothing for our lives that will also bring the bonding and intimacy that our soul longs for?
The answer is “The Comfort Circle.”
Over the next four weeks we are going to learn what it is as well as how to apply it to:
- Ourselves for self-soothing (internal).
- In our prayers as we seek comfort from God (vertical).
- and with others who give us relief by listening and providing comfort (horizontal)..
A well-balanced life encompasses all three of these aspects.
So how can we use this comfort circle in our prayer life to have a more vibrant and intimate relationship with God?
The Lord describes Himself as a God of comfort (II Corinthians 1:3-7) and invites us to boldly bring ourselves before Him in prayer that we might find help in a time of need (Hebrews 4:14-16).
As I mentioned in last week’s letter, my mother passed away and we are having her memorial service this Sunday.
Additionally, my open-heart surgery is in three weeks at UCLA hospital.
Needless to say, I have many thoughts and emotions that are banging around inside my mind and heart.
Here is a prayer that I am praying this morning asking Him for comfort and strength.
Dear Lord,
Thank you that I can come before you and bring all of myself without shame or embarrassment.
I am distressed today. I feel irritable and overwhelmed at the amount of stress that I am carrying around inside of me.
I am finding that I am impatient with everyone, including my family. I can tell my pressure tank is full and that that I am not coping well.
Finally, the ongoing saga of my Mom’s declining health and death, will come to an end this Sunday. I’m grateful that she is with you in your loving care and comfort.
Thank you for being there for me, grant me peace and endurance. Help me to be less irritable with others. They do not deserve my impatience.
Thank you that you are bigger than me an able to contain all my agitated feelings and emotions. You said that life under “The Fall” would be difficult, and it is! I know you see my every step and care what happens to me. I know that you are sad as well. I’m grateful that you know me well and care so much..
You know what I need?
I need an extra measure of peace, grace and comfort for my soul to just to get me through the day. I’ll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.
Also, help me be bold to share with my closest family and friends, my levels of stress so that they can comfort me as well.
Sometimes I’m not good at sharing and just hold it all inside… just like I used to do when I was a kid. Now I know better, and people do provide relief to my soul. Thanks for the support.
My praise and honor to you Lord.
Amen.
Thanks for listening!
Love and blessings,
Milan & Kay
On June 18, I am having open-heart surgery to have the mitral valve in my heart repaired to make it more efficient. Lord willing, the doctor says that I will be in the hospital for 5 days, driving in 2 weeks, and no limits at 12 weeks. Please don’t call us or visit the hospital to see how I am doing, my family will have enough on their plates. You can keep up with everything going on at our blog that my journalistic award-winning daughter Kelly will be updating daily. It is http://milanupdate.blogspot.com. You can go there now, learn more about the procedure, the doctor, and read a cool poem that Kay wrote. Thanks for the continued prayers.
PPS:
- If you live in Southern California, join us every Monday night at Coast Hills Community Church as we teach on relationships from 7:00 – 8:30 PM..
- Check out some of our new products available as CD’s or DVD’s at: www.howwelove.com/shop
Next Week: More Relationship Tips and Information
NEWS ALERT:
MONDAY NIGHT RELATIONSHIP BUILDING:
Our Monday Night Relationship Building Series continues to attract more and more people. Last Monday we covered "The Controll/Victim ".
This continuing 10 week program is designed to help people just like you to make the most out of their valuable relationships with others. We look forward to seeing you all next Monday night. Don't be shy about bringing your friends along for the ride.
If you cannot make it to these Monday night events in California you can still have the opportunity to see and hear what you missed. We videotaped the Relationship Building Series and now have it available on our web site. So if you cant' make it to these invaluable Monday Night Sessions you don't have to worry about missing out. Please look at the following link to find out how you can listen to and or see what you missed. We only have a limited number of these DVD's and CD's available, get yours before they are gone.
THE MONDAY NIGHT RELATIONSHIP BUILDING SESSIONS ARE NOW AVAILABLE TO BE DOWNLOADED - No waiting - Listen immediately on your IPOD or MP3 Player.
Follow the link below to find out more information and select the session that you would like to learn more about.
Monday Night Relationship Building CDs and DVD's and Downloads
SPREAD THE WORD:
If you enjoyed our newsletter, would you please forward it to your e-mail list or send a memo out encouraging them to sign up for our weekly newsletters? Thanks.
How We Love - Seminar on DVD is FINALLY HERE!! Have you ever wanted to actually go to one of Milan and Kay's "How We Love" seminars, and experience what everybody is talking about? Many of you have asked "Milan and Kay, when are you going to be giving a seminar in MY AREA???" While we would love to have the opportunity to meet each and every one of you and for you to learn some valuable relationship skills at our seminars....it is physically IMPOSSIBLE for us to give seminars in every city in the U.S. and the rest of the world!! So...for all of you who would be interested in seeing exactly what happens at one of our seminars, and learn the skills that you need to improve your valuable relationships...the solution is here in this incredible two day seminar recorded live in Ventura California. When you experience this DVD package you will: Find out the ROOT of your relationship problems!! Discover your "Imprint of Intimacy" Learn your "Love Style" "Explore your marital "Core Pattern" This is a complete "How We Love" LIVE SEMINAR and you will find that once you know of all of the extra bonus items included in the package that you will be excited also!! One person who attended the seminar said: "My husband and I attended your weekend "How We Love" seminar. We were absolutely energized by the experience!" The sponsor of the seminar had these kinds words to say: "Everyone loved the material presented, the emotional intensity of the conference, and your transparency as a couple. The real emotional responses from numerous couples were about how difficult things had been in their marriage and how you gave them hope. This was especially evident in the prayer requests submitted- a VERY long list of submitted requests for their marriages! One response said “we felt our marriage was over and I really think we have a chance since we can better understand the sources of our problems.” I saw one praise of an unbelieving husband who came with his wife, and she said he was positive about the church, and of the weekend, and they had talked more that weekend than in 14 years of married life! "
P.S. - You will be nicely surprised by the bonus items that we have added to this DVD set!! Use the link below to find out more: Find Out More About This Inspiring DVD Package Blessings, Milan and Kay
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Now the Life Changing Book "How We Love" is in PAPERBACK!!!
And....the Book and Workbook are Combined into ONE!!!
Learn more About the NEW Combination Book/Workbook below:
How We Love: Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage
How We Love More Fully - NOW AVAILABLE IN CD FORMAT Now you can experience this inspiring sermon on CD with Milan's study notes printed for your convenience - we will ship it to you or someone you think could benefit from this incredible audio.
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Do you need to be motivated to love more fully? Would you like to be inspired to take some steps to improve your relationships? I’d love to share two sermons with you called How to Love More Fully. I’ve gotten some positive feedback from the people who heard these seven important points and I want to inspire you to deepen your relationships. I’ll include my study notes so you can follow along. Use the following link to learn more: Use This Link To Find Out How to Love More Fully Blessings, Milan |
SPEAKING ENGAGEMENTS:
Monday Night Relationship180
with Milan & Kay Yerkovich
at Coast Hills Community Church
· Tired of arguing with your family and friends over the same old issues?
· Longing for relationships with less conflict and more intimacy?
Come join Milan and Kay Yerkovich every Monday night as they teach about turning relationships in the right direction - first with God and then with others. You will discover truths that have transformed many relationships and which will help you find your way to richer, safer relationships.
In this weekly relationship class, New Life Radio co-host Milan Yerkovich and his wife Kay, a marriage and family therapist, will be sharing principles from the Bible and their new book How We Love about life, love and relationships.
Monday night weekly meetings begin April 14, 2008
7:00 – 8:30 in room 249
no childcare provided
For additional information contact:
Relationship180 (949) 830-2846 ~ www.relationship180.com.
or
Coast Hills Community Church ~ 5 Pursuit ~ Aliso Viejo, CA 92656
(949) 362-0079 ~ www.coasthillschurch.org
May 7, 14, 21, 28, 2008
7:00 – 9:00 PM
A Four Week How We Love Workshop (Milan & Kay)
Rock Harbor University @ Rock Harbor Church
3080 Airway Ave.
Costa Mesa, CA 92626
Meeting Room: “The Lab” (Do we have to wear protective eyewear?).
Registration begins mid to late April at www.rhuonline.org
Church phone: (714) 384-0914
June 12 – 14, 2008
How We Love Marriage Retreat for Baltimore Ravens
Baltimore Ravens Complex
Owings Mills, MD
June 14, 2008
Willowdale Chapel Evening Couple’s Event
Philadelphia, PA
More information forthcoming!
RADIO APPEARANCES (Subject to change): New Life Ministries Radio, Los Angeles area, KKLA 99.5 FM, 2 PM daily Mon – Fri. Check www.newlife.com for nationwide listing of radio stations and times in your area as well as daily hosts.
Go to www.relationship180.com for details.
If this newsletter has helped you, perhaps it can also help others. Please let your friends, family and others know that they too can get the help they need by signing up for this newsletter at: www.howwelove.com
Understanding your relationships is probably one of the MOST important tasks that you can do to improve your life.
To help you understand your relationships we have written the book :
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How We Love: A Revolutionary Approach to Deeper Connections in Marriage By Milan & Kay Yerkovich / Random House, Inc Relationship experts Milan and Kay Yerkovich help you identify negative responses learned in childhood that sabotage your relationships, creating invisible barriers to love. you'll find practical solutions and groundbreaking principles that equip you to identify the love styles disrupting your marriage, recognize the core pattern in your relationship, develop a specific plan for change, enhance your sexual intimacy and more, to create a deeper, richer marriage. |
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How We Love Workbook: Making Deeper Connections in Marriage By Milan Yerkovich / Random House, Inc Every adult bears an "imprint of intimacy"-an inner sense of how much emotional vulnerability they can risk based on childhood experiences. those past lessons shape the behaviors, beliefs and expectations of all our current relationships, especially marriage. This powerful companion workbook-perfect for use on your own or in a group setting-will help you apply the principles from How We Love and break free of the harmful imprints of the past. You'll find insightful questions to help you and your spouse pinpoint barriers to intimacy, effective techniques to kick start the process of lasting change and more. |
Thanks to all of you for your support.
Copyright © 2008 Milan and Kay Yerkovich
Marriage / How We Love Newsletter May 29, 2008