THE AVOIDER Following is a list of characteristics of The Avoider love style. Put a check mark by any statement that describes you. The more checkmarks you have in one category the more likely you are to have that love style as your primary relational approach. |
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I would describe myself as independent and self-reliant. I’m a task-oriented, high achiever. I am usually “fine” and when something bad happens I try to get over it and move on. In my family growing up, we rarely (or never) discussed personal concerns. Sometimes I comply simply to avoid confrontation or arguments.
I feel uncomfortable when someone is very emotional, especially if I think I am supposed to help that I minimize and resist expressions of anger in others and myself, yet I can get angry when my best efforts don’t seem good enough. I’m usually happiest when others are happy and don’t want a lot from me. I show my love by doing tasks or giving gifts rather than being sentimental. I’ve felt resentment toward my spouse for always wanting something more from me. I’m tired of my spouse telling me I am distant and/or don’t show enough affection. I don’t really think about my own feelings and needs very often. I don’t really miss my spouse or family if I’m away from them. |
If you identify with the Avoider Love Style here are some resources to help you: Live Couples Therapy - How To Have Great Conversations |
Newsletter archives Vol. 4 - January 11, 2007 - How do avoiders and Pleasers handle anger? Vol. 8 - February 08, 2007- The Avoidant Husband and Pursuing Wife Vol. 12 - March 08, 2007 - Am I a Vacillator or Avoider? Vol. 16 - April 05, 2007 - Practical Tips for Avoiders Vol. 20 - May 03, 2007- Avoiders and Andropause Vol. 57 - January 17, 2008 - Parenting and the Love Styles - The Avoider as a Parent Vol. 69 - April 10, 2008 - Love Styles and Boundaries - Avoiders and Boundaries
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