THE CONTROLLER Following is a list of characteristics of The Controller love style. Put a check mark by any statement that describes you. The more checkmarks you have in one category the more likely you are to have that love style as your primary relational approach. |
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Growing up, I experienced a great deal of intense anger and stress from a parent(s) or sibling. No one protected me from harm when I was growing up, so I had to get tough and take care of myself. Life has taught me to either “be in control” or “be controlled.” If I wasn’t in charge, nothing would get done. Sometimes I try to control my temper, but I feel too angry to stop. My spouse couldn’t survive without me. People would probably describe me as intimidating. I rarely feel any emotion except anger and sometimes guilt if my anger has gone too far. Things would go more smoothly if my spouse (and kids) listened to me and did the things I asked. My spouse purposely makes me jealous and does things behind my back. I have few feelings about my childhood except I’m glad it’s over because I wouldn’t go back.
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If you identify with the Controller Love Style here are some resources to help you: The Love Styles and Comfort - The Controller/Victim How Controllers/Victims Handle Anger and How They Can Be Helped
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Newsletter archives Vol. 6 - January 25, 2007 - How do controllers and victims handle anger? Vol. 19 - April 26, 2007 - Tips for Controllers and Victims Vol. 33 - August 02, 2007 - Holding Time for Vacillators and Controllers Vol. 60 - February 07, 2008 - Parenting and the Love Styles - The Controller as a Parent Vol. 72 - May 01, 2008 - Love Styles and Boundaries - Controllers, Victims and Boundaries |
