THE PLEASER Following is a list of characteristics of The Pleaser love style. Put a check mark by any statement that describes you. The more checkmarks you have in one category the more likely you are to have that love style as your primary relational approach. |
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For most (or all) of my childhood I could have been described as “the good kid.” I feel very upset if someone is upset or annoyed with me so I am good at “keeping peace.” I seek connection and avoid rejection by anticipating and meeting others’ needs. One of my parents was either fearful or critical and I tried hard to win approval and keep them happy. At times, I’ve had difficulty tolerating physical or emotional distance from my spouse. Conflict makes me uneasy and I prefer to deal with disagreement by giving in or making up for it and quickly and moving on. I can be jealous and possessive, though I rarely show it or deal with it in a direct way. I have difficulty confronting or saying no and sometimes it makes me less than truthful. I generally don’t feel angry, or if I do, I try to think about something else or get rid of it. Sometimes I inwardly resent giving more than I get and feel like a doormat.
I don’t often ask for help and feel uncomfortable when others try to give me assistance. When I sense others are upset or distancing, I pursue and try harder to win them back.
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If you identify with the Pleaser Love Style here are some resources to help you: Live Couples Therapy - How To Have Great Conversations |
Newsletter archives Vol. 4 - January 11, 2007 - How do avoiders and Pleasers handle anger? Vol. 58 - January 24, 2008 - Parenting and the Love Styles - The Pleaser as a Parent Vol. 70 - April 17, 2008 - Love Styles and Boundaries - Pleasers and Boundaries |
